The Mexi-Pun
What is the difference between people in Dubai and people in Abu Dhabi?
People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones, but people in Abu Dhabi do.
Did you hear about the transgender vegan?
He was a herbefor
How do you know the moon is going broke?
It's down to its last quarter.
As a lumberjack i know i have cut down 2,718 trees.
Because every time I cut one down I keep a log.
eBay is so useless.
I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 12579 matches
Christmas is the present holiday.
(Yes, that's a pun.)
Anyone hear about the Mexican train bomber?
They say he had loco motives.
A guy sits on a plane and realizes he’s sitting beside The Pope.
He’s too intimidated to say anything but after awhile The Pope taps him on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me my son, but I’m doing a crossword puzzle and I’m stuck. The clue is ‘a 4 letter word that you can call a woman’ and it ends with U-N-T.” The man sits for a minute, stumped until he exclaims, “Aha! I got it!! It’s aunt. A-U-N-T!” The Pope smiles and claps his hands. “Wonderful!! That must be it!! Thank you! One more thing my son, would you happen to have an eraser?”
What does a robot do after sex?
Nuts and bolts
I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night….
It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea
Today I quit drinking for good
Now I only drink for evil
Did you know if you break a mirror you get more mirrors?
Let us reflect on this
What’s the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt?
Usain bolt can finish a race
What do you call a one-legged hippo?
A hoppo My 4 year old cousin thinks it’s the funniest thing in the world
My laziness is like the number 8.
Once it lies down, it becomes infinite.
A man goes into his garden and notes a broken fence.
He thus searches online for someone to fix his fence for him, but he is not satisfied with their prices – that is, until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free. He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing; but since it’s free, he feels like he has nothing to lose, so he hires him. Sure enough, a few days later, the monk shows up with a toolkit in hand. The man shows the monk that his fence has been ripped out of the ground and that he needs to replace it. About an hour later, the monk walks in and tells the man he is finished; and when the man goes outside he sees that the fence is perfect, thinking he can’t just tell the monk to leave after doing such a great job for free, he invites the monk inside for a cup of coffee. The man then starts talking to the monk. “It surprised me to see a monk offering services for fence repair,” noted the man. “Why do you do it?” The monk replied, “Religious reasons.” The man then says, “I don’t know much about Buddhism. Why do you need to repair fences?” “Because,” the monk replied, “you would be surprised at the amount of karma you get for reposting.”
Did you know the first French fries where not made in France?
They where made in grease.
What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?
Catching all the chickens that had crossed it
What do you call a dwarf from mexico?
A paragraph, because he's only a short ese.
3 weeks ago I sent my hearing aids in for repair
I've heard nothing since.
I don’t often tell dad jokes
But when I do, he usually laughs
When science helps you with your impatience but also makes you never work on it.
https://ift.tt/2VPdBOW
Why dont chickens insult each other?
They dont like getting roasted
I’m afraid of confusing words that sound the same but spelled differently.
I’m homophonophobic.
[Warning]: 18++
19.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.