The Modern Reality
Can't wait till this cruise is over.
When I asked the keeper why, he said, "It was bread in captivity!"
a small medium at large
How could anyone stoop so low??
the child could technically be considered ginger-bred.
My wife and I were talking about people owning strange animals and she said, “I’ve always wanted to get a manatee.”
I said, “Thank you very much, I’ll have it with milk and two sugars please.”
And now there aren’t any horny milfs in my area that want to have sex with me anymore.
Fuck the ships. My lighthouse, my rules
I, I, R, and the seven Cs.
Do. Do hash. Do hash browns. Do hash browns sound good. Do hash browns sound good.
For supporting me. My arms, for always being by my side. And my fingers, I could always count on them.
I refused. If I'm going to have sex with her, it's going to be on my own Accord
Now he’s just Dav
Randolf the brown nosed reindeer, he can run as fast as Rudolf, he just can't stop as quick.
When the son comes back, however, he says he's a Christian now. The father goes to his friend exasperated to explain the situation, and his friend says "that's funny, I sent my son to Israel last year, and when he came back he also said he was Christian." The two men decide they should speak to their rabbi about this, but when they explain the situation, the rabbi says "that's funny, two years ago I sent my son to Israel, and he also came back a Christian." The three men decide only God can have the answer, so they pray. The rabbi says aloud "dear God, all three of us sent our sons to Israel, and all of them came back Christian." God's voice booms down "that's funny…"
Just look for the fresh prints.
A doctor came to greet him. "Good morning, sir. What's your name?", the doctor asked. "I am John F. Kennedy", the patient replied. "Oh, well I believe you'll fit in here quite well. We have a lot of former presidents at our hospital." "I'm not a president. I'm an airport."
A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, "Are you the guy who charges $10,000 a bullet?" "Yup." "What if you miss?" He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss…" "Okay, well I've got $20,000. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best friend. They're at the motel together right now." "Let's go," the assassin says. So they drive to a store across the street from the motel and climb up on the roof. The assassin takes out his rifle and attaches the scope. "They're in room 21. I want you to shoot her in the head, and I want you to blow his dick off." The assassin looks through his scope. He keeps staring for several minutes, not taking the shot. "Well? What are you waiting for!?" the husband asks. "Hold on a minute," said the assassin, "I think I can save you 10K".
It's gotten so bad that I had to take his bike away.
So if you’re a good driver watch out
when he come across a suitcase. Inside the suitcase he finds a fox and her cubs. He dials animal control to report his discovery. The woman on the other end exclaims, "That's horrible… are they moving? The man responds, "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase"
“No sir, your pizza will be round.”
I'm not sure what I'd do with the other $297,999,999.75 though.
As I was eating it, I said to myself, "It tastes just like home."
But I heard they were recently working on a new track
I didn't realize he'd do it by constantly hiring replacement White House senior staff.
They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
Happy Father's Day!