The modern rebirth of trollface?
It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota ." Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. "How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida . One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota , but you're not on the farm anymore, son." The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?" The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65". The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?" The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition." The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?" The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.’
she always gazes at me in Au.
When a British person gets a really good look at something.
A boy scout went around his neighborhood looking for a job… "I'll pay you $20 to paint my porch," said one neighbor. The scout agreed and went to work. A few hours later, the scout knocked on the neighbor's door and said, "I'm all finished, but your car is a Mercedes, not a Porsche."
But I do like sitting down
Because you give me the same fucking shit, day after day!
We were smoking a joint in front of a guy’s store, and he came out and said, “Excuse me, we have No Smoking rules here.”
I said, “Thanks man. Most other places have tons of smoking rules.”
Eventually she came around.
Seriously! Who starts a conversation like that?
He said, “Sorry. No time.”
Nail salons closed, Lash salons closed, Hair salons closed, Tanning salons closed, waxing salons closed…
It's about to get ugly out there. Stay safe.
When Biden is speaking you wonder if he's had a stroke. When Trump is speaking you wonder if you've had a stroke.
Because attachments are forbidden
Those that understand binary, and those who don't.
It's Europe. So long and also strong that it is binding all the EU countries.
By the pound.
My wife said it was a huge waist
The abdominable snowman
Just ask them to read this word: unionized.
"Who the fuck is Susan?" I asked. She said, "You tell me. You were the one sleep talking."
But now I'm clean
My Wife is freaking out about this coronavirus. She made me promise I’d put the mask on before I left for work this morning……
Now I’m two hours late and I don’t even like Jim Carey
Because one is a repost.
Sometimes he even laughs