The new if,elif,else paradigm
What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?
Shakespeare
One of my hair accessories is angry and it’s amusing to watch, but I don’t know what to do now.
I don't want to comb placate things.
If I had a nickel for every time I didn’t know what was going on…
…I’d be like “why do I keep getting all these fucking nickels?”
Three Jewish women are eating lunch. The waiter comes over and says…
is anything okay?
It’s tricky knowing when to take the tea bag out.
There's a steep learning curve.
What do Mike and Sulley fill their pens with?
Monsters Ink
Why did the bee get married?
Because he found his honey.
When you die, which part of your body is the last to die?
Pupils. They dilate.
How to tell the gender of an ant?
If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it floats…
“Waiter! Waiter! There’s a dead fly in my soup!”
"Yes sir, the heat tends to kill them."
One Finn
A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where Upon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice once again calls out: "One Finn is better than one hundred Russian." Furious, the Russian commander sends his next best 100 troops over the hill and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again Silence. The calm Finnish voice calls out again: "One Finn is better than one thousand Russians from: The enraged Russian commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the hill. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought… Then silence. Eventually one badly wounded Russian fighter crawls back over the hill and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men…it's a trap. There's two of them."
When Mozart died, you could hear his music playing backwards at his grave.
He was decomposing.
if 666 is all evil
then 25.8069758 is the root of all evil
Two male deer are leaving a gay bar
One turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I just blew 20 bucks.”
My dad always told me “don’t be quick to find faults.”
Good Dad, terrible geologist.
Why was my post removed
Can someone from admin please explain to me why my post was removed? I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over.
I almost got caught stealing a board game today…
But it was a Risk I was willing to take
I stayed up all night trying to figure out why the sun disappears…
…then it dawned on me.
Two chemists walk into a Bar
chemist 1: I’ll have some H2O chemist 2: I’ll have some H2O also chemist 2’s arch nemesis disguised as the bartender: [under breath] so close….
![[legit] This year’s game will be a blow out.](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/okwf6Ov-400x275.jpg)
My wife says she’s like a microwave.
She's easy to turn on, gets hot quick, and if you put a baby in her she'll kill it. .
Don’t mess with WIFE !!!!
Wife asked her husband to give her the newspaper. Husband: "How backward you are? Technology has developed so much and you are still asking for the newspaper… Take my iPad…" Wife took the iPad and killed the Cockroach. Husband faints. Moral: Whatever the wife asks, give her without argument. Show your smartness in office, not at home.
Is it crazy how saying sentences backwards…
Creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?