You can't spell advertisements without semen between the tits.(edited)
*break bread* This is my body *pours wine* This is my blood *open jar of mayo* Judas: I'm gonna stop you right there
He was a Fizzsician
Now I can’t open it, as the door faces the wall.
A college professor asks all of his students to brainstorm and yell out different kinds of stereotypes.
"All blonde girls are dumb!" yells a boy in the back. "Sony!" yells the blonde girl in the front.
She says "who is it?" "It's the blind man" comes the response. Ok, thinks the nun. "Come in then". In walks the man; "nice tits, now where do you want this blind?"
because I'm always right.
📷 son: underwater, dad father: underwater? what do you mean? son: they're below C level
In heaven, there were two huge signs. The first read, Men Who Did What Their Wives Told Them to Do….
The line of men under this sign stretched as far as the eye could see. The second sign stated, Men Who Did What They Wanted to Do. Only one man stood under that sign. Intrigued, St. Peter said to the lone man, “No one has ever stood under this sign. Tell me about yourself" The man shrugged and said, “My wife told me to stand here.”
Whenever I'm done talking to people and walk away they say "What an ass"
A kiss will make your day, but anal will make your hole weak.
… because Dawn is tough on Greece.
The p is silent.
But the judge didn't see it that way.
It’s pretty nuts.
But you can call me anytime
Clooney said, "I'll produce." DiCaprio said, " I'll direct." McConaughey said, " I'll write, I'll write, I'll write."
At Trump Tower, his family watches CNN, which is covering his death live, all of them mournful and teary before Donald himself walks in triumphantly. “But Donald, CNN says you were killed!” Ivanka cried. “Nope!” Donnie beamed, holding up the rope that was used to hang him, “fake noose.”
LEEKS. (my 10yo told me this – he said he thought it up himself.)
Man: Good news first please, doc! Doctor: We’re naming a disease after you
Well maybe if it wasn't forced to have such strict requirements it would be more confident.
The cornea the better
I went to 4 different ones and they all said insufficient funds…
My father was ill and the doctor said he had only one day left to live. I was truly sad and was walking outside when I saw a wishing well. Taking my chances I threw in a quarter and wished his life would be extended. A r/jokes mod genie appeared out of the well and said " I hear your wish my son, and for everyday there is a new, fresh joke posted on r/jokes, your father will be granted another full week of life." His funeral is this Saturday.
Well, three can play that game!