The Only Thing Flat-Earthers Fear…
is sphere itself.
The man laughed and said “Eh, it has its ups and downs.”
Hopefully I won't get locked up for resisting a rest.
It becomes theiranium.
I thought we had good alchemy.
They were actually cooked in Greece
Patient: "But doctor, I am not Steven. My name is Mike." Doctor: "I know, I am Steven."
They couldn't find another man of his caliber.
Ben Affleck says: "I'll produce it!" Matt Damon says: "I'll direct it!" Matthew McConaughey says: "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write!"
It was just collecting dust
because I am not included in anything 🙁
My girlfriend said that it wasn’t working out between us and that we should start seeing other people.
So I took her wheelchair. Just as I thought… She couldn’t stand to leave me.
But then I screwed up.
Guess she’s homeless.
Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke at a bar and then they knock knock.
Captain Trump of the RMS Titanic: There isn't any iceberg. There was an iceberg but it's in a totally different ocean. The iceberg is in this ocean but it will melt very soon. There is an iceberg but we didn't hit the iceberg. We hit the iceberg, but the damage will be repaired very shortly. The iceberg is a Chinese iceberg. We are taking on water but every passenger who wants a lifeboat can get a lifeboat, and they are beautiful lifeboats. Look, passengers need to ask nicely for the lifeboats if they want them. We don't have any lifeboats, we're not lifeboat distributors. Passengers should have planned for icebergs and brought their own lifeboats. I really don't think we need that many lifeboats. We have lifeboats and they're supposed to be our lifeboats, not the passengers' lifeboats. The lifeboats were left on shore by the last captain of this ship. Nobody could have foreseen the iceberg.
why don't skeletons go trick or treating? Because they have nobody to go with haha
I’m a cashew
Neil arms weak. Neil joins gym. Neil does chin-ups. Neil Armstrong 2. William making fruit shake. William took pears. William put them in glass. William Shakespeare 3. Jimmy goes to restaurant. Jimmy sits down. Jimmy gets food. Jimmy Choo 4. Tony makes movie. Tony works hard. Tony earns fans. Tony Star k 5. Alan feels happy. Alan runs hard. Alan falls in gutter. Alan Reekman (Rickman) 6. Usain s*** scared. Usain screams. Usain close doors. Usain Bolt.
I can never get a straight answer.
Let’s meet up and share a joint.
If a mass of beef fat is ‘tallow’, and mass of pig fat is ‘lard’, what is a mass of human fat called?
'American'. Just kidding, it's actually called 'Yo Momma'.
A hockey player showers after three periods.
“Yep, she got the house”