The perfect tree.
I thought a had a Japanese friend.
But it was just my imagine Asian.
Please laugh
What's a thousand times better than Instagram? Instakilogram
Three drunk guys walk into a brothel…
The madam sees them and tells the girls, “just use blow-up sex dolls, they are so wasted they won’t know the difference”. So the three guys find themselves in their rooms with a girl, so the deed, and walk out. The first guy says, “those girls were odd”. The second says, “yeah, I wonder if they were dead, cause no matter what I did, she didn’t move.” The third guy says, “no way, I think they were witches!” Both other guys stopped at this, shocked, and ask, “what? Why do you think they were witches?” The third guy replies, “because when I bit her ass, she farted on my face, and flew out of the window…”
Today I saw dwarf prisoner climbing down a wall.
I thought to myself "Now, that's a little condescending".
The wife’s leaving me because of my sexual fetishes
I said yeah fine and remember to slam the door on my cock on the way out.
If you boil a funnybone…
You get a laughingstock. Which is humerus.
My neighbor and I are good friends. So we thought we share our water supply.
We got a long well.
They say to never go shopping for food when you’re hungry
but it's been a week already and I keep getting hungrier and hungrier.
A guy knocked on my door asking for a donation to the local swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water.
When Mozart died, you could hear his music playing backwards at his grave.
He was decomposing.
Saying “have a nice day” to someone, sounds friendly
But "enjoy your next 24 hours" sounds threatening.
Since it started snowing, all my grandma has done is stare through the window.
I might have to let her back in if it gets any worse
Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?
The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
A third-grade class is on a field trip to the museum when they come across a mummy exhibit. The display has a sign in front saying, “2982 BC.”
One of the kids asks his friend, “What do you suppose that means?” His friend thinks for a few seconds, then concludes, “It must be the license plate number of the car that hit him.”
Our solar system sucks.
1 star.
My buddy went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
How do you get a farm girl to like you?
A tractor.
My wife didn’t think I’d give our daughter a silly name.
But I called her Bluff.
I wrote a novel about a man who grows younger every time he masturbates.
It's a coming of age story.
Since it’s Fathers Day, my wife asked if I could tell dad jokes all day tomorrow.
I told her I don’t know anyone named Morrow.
I’ve already heard like seven cancer puns today…
If I hear tumor, it's gonna benign
Why did Cinderella get kicked off her soccer team?
Because she kept running away from the ball.
Tinder is the opposite of porn ads….
There are actually tons of hot singles in my area, But none of them are interested in me.
Radish means slightly Awesome in 90’s vernacular
No text found
A man walks into a library and asks for a book on suicide…
The librarian says "Fuck off! You're not gonna bring it back!"
Thank goodness Reddit is back up
I was almost productive for a second there!
Is “buttcheeks” one word?
Or should I spread them apart?
