the post is some meme about the subreddit icons gone
A mathematician walks into a bar, asks for a beer for himself, and then 10 beers for everyone else there.
The bartender says, “Wow! That’s a different order of magnitude.”
Trump educates himself about the subject before talking about it
…. Thats the whole joke
As a child, I always thought of my dad as a superhero…
The Invisible man!
How would life be without women?
A pain in the ass…
The Star Wars series is coming out with a female villain
She'll be able to use the force to raise and lower things. Her name will be Ella Vader
I was really embarrassed when my wife walked in on me playing with my son’s train set by myself, so in a moment of panic, I threw a bed sheet over it…
I think I managed to cover my tracks…
“Social Media should not fact check posts” says child molester Mark Zuckerberg | The Chaser
https://ift.tt/2TNB1mk
It was a sad day on Sunday
But the day before was a Saturday.
Day 2 of wfh and things are getting pretty weird. The guy I’m supposed to pair with gets pretty annoyed if I don’t pay him attention, but most of what he says about my code is unintelligible. He also seems to never get past the login screen on his computer. I don’t think he’s getting any work done.
https://ift.tt/2wQK9Oq
I recently swapped all the labels on my wife’s spice rack, she hasn’t noticed yet
But the thyme is cumin.
I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago..
and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust.
Wish me Luke!
It's like luck, but with more force.
When you say “poop” your mouth moves in the same way your anus does.
The same goes for "explosive diarrhea".
If all ‘t’s were silent…
…we'd never hear the end of it.
Me after finding my bro who went on a date with the hello kitty girl
Me after finding my bro who went on a date with the hello kitty girl
My wife said that this subreddit was full of stupid, unfunny puns…
But this post I made a couple hours ago says otherwise
What did the person who got hit by lightning twice say about it?
Since it was so rare to be hit even once, he (or she, since I don't want people to get offended) was quite shocked about it all.
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain. They name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. He responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
I just turned 18 so now I shouldn’t need my glasses anymore
I’m still waiting for my adult super-vision to kick in
Where does the know-it-all get their water?
From the well, actually.
The president of the US is threatening to send the military to suppress US citizens.
Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.
There’s only one thing that beats a beautiful girl with an amazing voice
And that’s Chris Brown
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.
I mean, to be frank
I'd have to change my name
Teacher : “Alright who can name a flammable material?”
Jewish Kid : “ME! ME! ME!” Teacher : “Okay what else?”
I googled how to start a wildfire…
It came up with a couple thousand matches.
Courtesy of my 11 yr old: why don’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she will just let it go.
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
Did you see Trump’s speech last night?
Apparently Nancy Pelosi thought it was tearable.
I got the words “jacuzzi” and “yakuza” confused.
Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia.
What’s Ironman without his suit?
Stark naked
What did the officer say to his belly button?
You’re under a vest!
Which is Coronavirus’ favorite novel?
Around the world in eighty days.
The world champion tounge twister got arrested the other day
I heard they're going to give him a tough sentence
What do you call a paralysed gay man?
A tomato, because most people will look at him and see a vegetable, but he's really a fruit.
REQUEST: Does anyone know any jokes about being 2nd in command?
Specifically jokes for a 2nd in command, or 1st Officer to the Captain. Like: "Hi, I'm second in command so I have to drive the ship when the Captain gets seasick." Or "Hi, I'm second in command, which means I do the hard job and the Captain gets credit for it!" I'd be grateful if anyone can share any.
What’s similarity between playing a chess and having a dinner in Australian restaurant?
They both end with “Checkmate”.