…of the indoor fins…
One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.
Which might explain why she was called "Vulner".
Edit : Mother of three.. Edit2 : Mother of two… Edit3 : Mother of one….. Edit4 : Mo.. Wait..
A dead centipede
Chicken, vegetable, and beef. You’ll be a bouillonaire in no time.
“Yes. Don’t get too attached to him”.
A man is drinking at a bar. He gets so drunk that he pukes all over his shirt. He turns to the bartender and goes, "I'm in trouble now. If my wife discovers I've been drinking again, she'll kill me." The bartender says, "Don't worry, here's what you do. You take a ten dollar bill, and put it in your shirt pocket. Then you go to your wife and say some other guy got so drunk he puked on you, but he felt sorry about it and gave you ten dollars to have your shirt cleaned." So the drunken guy agrees to give it a try. He goes back to his wife and tells her that a drunk guy puked on his shirt then gave him ten dollars to have it cleaned. The wife looks and says, "He gave you twenty dollars." The guy replies, "Oh I forgot. He also shit in my pants."
He hates it when I say his name backwards
Since vampires are hurt by holy water, I always wondered why Priests don’t bless storm clouds and kill them from above. Then I realized why most vampires live in Europe
Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa
My dad burst into my room and said, “Wanna hear a joke?”, and then proceeded to fart for a whole minute.
He said. “Sorry. That was a long winded story.”
I guess I got the wouldn't glue instead.
They are always kidding.
Because they can't multiply.
It just goes from bad to worse…
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
With an itheberg
"Where on Earth have you been?"
and accidents in the back seat cause children.
He's all right now.
They have trouble sweeping..
I always say, "No, thank you. I'm not interested. But thank you for considering me, good day."
A man comes home from his job at the pickle factory. “Honey, I got fired today for sticking my dick in the pickle slicer.” Wife: “My God! What’s happened?” Husband: “She got fired too”
Husband: Emphatic no, five letters. Wife: Never H: Pistol, 3 letters. W: Gun H: Disgust, 3 letters. W: Ugh H: Charity, 4 letters. W: Give H: Female sheep, 3 letters W: Ewe H: Pixar movie, 2 letters W: Up
Icy dead people