The protests in Hong Kong have been continuous for 120 days, proving the country does not belong to China
Because nothing made in China has ever lasted more than a week.
My friend couldn’t afford his water bill.
So I sent him a "get well soon" card.
A Retired Jewish Man Is Walking On The Beach, When He Sees A Bottle In The Sand.
He picks it up and rubs it, and a genie comes out. The genie promises to grant him one wish. The man pulls a crumpled map from his pocket and shows it to the genie. He says, "Peace in the Middle East, that's my wish." The genie studies the map, but looks looks concerned. He hands the map back and says, "I'm sorry, sir. I come from the Middle East myself, and these conflicts have been raging since even before my time. Bringing peace to that region is beyond my powers. Do you have another wish?" The guy thinks and says, "Well, I've been married for forty years, and in my whole life I've never received oral sex from my wife. That would be my wish." The genie pauses for another moment and then says, "Let me see that map again."
Which Witcher knows the answers to all questions?
Geralt of Trivia
Why are electricians the best journalists?
They are always working on current events.
I’ve gone and confused the words ‘Yakuza’ with ‘Jacuzzi’
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.
I had a dream I was a muffler.
Woke up exhausted.
Had an argument with my physiotherapist regarding my posture
But now I stand corrected
What’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One will see you later, the other will see you in a while.
I told my 3yr old daughter “I’m tired.”
"Oh. I thought you were daddy!" I've never been so proud.
Creating a joke is one thing. But delivering it is another.
I think my mother did a commendable job in that regard.
How did the Himalayan man jump higher than mount Everest?
Well, that's easy. Mountains can't jump.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Look for the Fresh Prints
What is the most popular animal in Reddit?
A karmadillo.
Never date a tennis player.
Love means nothing to them.
How do you handle a redhead’s temper?
Gingerly.
Dad jokes are at all all-time high during quarantine times
Analysts say it's the worst pundemic ever recorded in modern history.
Last night i used Vaseline with my wife and came 10 times
Once with her and 9 in the shower trying to wash it off
The Furniture store kept calling me.
All I wanted was one night stand.
What concert cost 45¢
50¢ ft. Nickelback.
My dad showed me his new Mount Everest replica today
I said "Wow! To scale?" He said "No, just to look at"
A man had been drinking at a bar all night and pukes down the front of his shirt.
“Shit I can’t go home like this my wife will kill me” The bartender sees this and says “put a $20 bill in you pocket and when she sees the puke tell her some drunk puked on you and gave you $20 for dry cleaning”. So the guy goes home and his wife sees the puke on his shirt and asks what happened, to which he replies “a drunk guy puked on me and he gave me $20 to pay for dry cleaning”. To which his wife says “Ok well then why do you have $40 in your hand?” “Because he also shit in my pants.”
You’ve heard of alphabet soup now get ready for….
Times new ramen!
There’s an easy trick you can use to calculate your IQ
It's 150 minus the number of rolls of toilet paper you have at home.
You’re a Wizard, dad!
Emma Watson?
Two lesbians go on a date, who pays for it?
The guys that think they're on a double date