It was the best dam program I've ever seen
They all jump into the life boats, but due to the weight, the life boats start sinking as well. The doctor exclaims “Save the children!” And begins to jump out of the lifeboat. The lawyer grabs the doctor and pulls him back stating “Screw the children!” The priest says “Do we have time?”
A man was stopped by the police around 2 am. The officer asked him where he was going at that time of night. The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replied, "That would be my wife."
They're just trying to fill a hole.
You’re under a vest!
Now millions of people can breathe easier.
a waist of paper
You boil the hell out of it.
It is Excel Lent.
I said no, but I can do a good Bohemian Rhapsody
Not good at math
when it becomes apparent.
Because its iceolated
No one knows how they pulled it off.
As they went through a tunnel and it became too dark to see and a loud SMACK could be heard. As the train exited the tunnel everyone looked at the American and saw he had a bright red cheek. The old lady thought to herself "I bet that American grabbed that young woman and she smacked him for it." The young attractive woman thought "I bet that American grabbed that old lady thinking it was me and she smacked him for it." The American thinks to himself "I bet that Canadian grabbed that young attractive woman and she smacked me thinking it was me." And the Canadian thinks to himself "I hope we go through another tunnel so I can smack the American again."
I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
The decision was a piece of cake.
My toe hurts but The Opera Director Next door was very impressed
I was embarrassed when my wife found out that I was playing with my son’s train set, so I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
I’m voting for an old, senile, racist, sexist, white man with rape allegations this year for president.
But I’m still not sure which one to pick.
Prophets are going through the roof.
It's the only day I'll tolerate high maintenance people.
The little moron was a little more on.
You get repossessed.
Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it…
He was trans-bender
It left a ro-dent
"Is this her first child?" he asked. "No this is her husband"
I said BIG ONES in the opposite direction of the fire….apparently the wrong answer.
“I guess alpaca my bags.”
I thought, "How useless is that? July is ages away."