The Real Link
How do you grab the attention of a pervert?
An NSFW tag
There’s quite a crowd at the lego store
They are lined up for blocks.
What did one oar say to the other oar?
Can I interest you in some rowmance?
How do you stop an anti-vaxer from drowning?
Take your foot off his head. ** Edit: Some people PM'd me to tell me they found this offensive. I reread it and I agree. Here is the updated version of the joke: Q. How do you stop an anti-vaxer from drowning? A. Take your foot off his or her head. Again, I apologize to any feminists out there for my originally posted version.
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
How often should columns be connected at the top?
Just a lintel bit of the time
Call a girl beautiful 1000 times, and she won’t think twice…
Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember. Because elephants never forget
My son asked me what procrastinate meant.
I said I'd tell him later
What should you do if you see a famous person at a water park?
Ask them for their watergraph.
Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says…
"You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' … and she's always sound asleep."
My friend showed me his huge comic book collection…
It was quite a Marvel.
What’s the difference between a pizza and a musician?
A pizza can feed a family of four.
I’m proud of my son, I never thought he’d go so far
The catapult worked well
How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.
The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day." The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up. The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up. The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever. The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."
Urgent Ticket! Feature not working! Client is not happy, put a developer on this right now!
https://ift.tt/2sm0b0N
A professional limbo player walks into a bar,
He was disqualified
Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen that said 'Parking Fine'.
Why did the plane get sent to his room?
For a bad altitude
What is yellow, but tastes like red paint
Yellow paint
Have you heard about a the constipation movie?
It hasn’t come out yet!
A teenage girl gives birth to twins and puts them up for adoption…
She never hears from them again except for the news that one baby was adopted by a Mexican couple, and the other was adopted by a couple from the Middle East. Years later she hires a private investigator to track down her two adopted children, just so she can find out how their lives have been. After months of searching, the investigator comes back to her with only a single photo of the boy adopted out to the Mexican couple. "There's no photo of the other child!?" the woman says, dismayed. The investigator shrugs. "Geeze, lady! They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
Why did Buddha start pulling coins out of his butt?
Because change comes from within.
Whstd red…
Whats red and smells like blue paint? Red paint
Jokes and sex are almost the same
I don't get it
What’s Forrest Gump’s Wi-Fi password?
1Forrest1 Edit: Thanks for the Silver Award
