Make sure you stay after the ceremony is finished.
I’m not buying it.
I told her, no, but I wouldn't mind playing with the box they came in.
Jeez, imagine if he were a full brother
What's a thousand times better than Instagram? Instakilogram
It’s an extremely rare dish order.
It runs in the jeans.
In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns. One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?""What do you mean strange?""Because you sell only trumpets and guns!""So?""Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?""It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."
With or without "u"
Personally I've got a Sony surround sound system.
They always spike the drinks.
A year ago, drunk and lonely, I stumbled upon Reddit by mistake when I was looking for RedTube. A year later the difference is obvious; one is a site full of naked people with no self respect, moaning and saying or doing all sorts of degrading things just to get some attention. The other appears to focus mainly on pornography. Thanks for a great first year!
Some scientists claim it might become a pundemic.
Apparently I’ve been looking for love in Alderaan places.
I said, "People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer!"
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: “The driver just insulted me.” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
An Indian got a seat between two Pakistanis on a plane. Relaxing, he took his shoes off. Soon enough, he got hungry. "Hey, I'm going to get myself a snack. You guys want anything?" He asked the Pakistanis. The man to his right said he would like a Coke. "Of course." said the Indian. "After all, Indians and Pakistanis are Brothers!" When the Indian went to get the coke, the man who asked for the Coke spit in one of his shoes. Once the Indian came back, the guy to his left asked him for another Coke. He happily obliged. While he was gone, the man spit in his other shoe. Soon enough, the Indian returned, with the Coke, of course. After everyone had settled down, and the Pakistanis had had half their Cokes, the Indian put his legs in his shoes and sighed. "How long will we keep doing this, brothers? Spitting in each others shoes, pissing in each others Cokes?"
I thought, "I can't turn that down."
I’m a faux pa
It’s the little things that count.
Always Coming From Take Me Down
Sails have gone through the roof
Today, I lost my job as a bus driver.
He said, “Go ahead. Knock yourself out!”
If you take something else, that’s another thing
You can stare at em longer if you're wearing sunglasses.
“Because I want to date you.”
It’s all about raisin awareness.