The Secret Life of Tech
MLM guy doesnt realize that 10trillion isnt worth dick due to hyperinflation.
https://ift.tt/337k0Gk
My piano teacher is the last person you would expect to show this to her students
https://ift.tt/3cmud6T
I saw a woman at the gas station pumping gas and trying to light a cigarette
I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire. The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire. Then they gave her a ticket! After they came inside I asked why they gave her a ticket. Turns out she didn't have a license for that firearm.
A skinny little white guy walks into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.
The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 15 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown." The little guy faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me? " The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 15 inch penis, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown." The small guy says, "oh thank God, I thought you said turn around."
Why doesnāt Mike Tyson use a PlayStation?
Because heās an X-Boxer
I got fired from my job at a bank today
Some elderly lady asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over.
![The ā[blank] 100ā meme is probably the worst format that still exists](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/kkntcgec5gq21-400x474.jpg)
Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn’t change color?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?
They don't, they arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.
I asked my father if he could leave his guitar collection to my children when he passes
He said that's music to his heirs
My girlfriend left a note on my PS4 today. My heart stopped beating because it said “This isn’t working”
Imagine my relief when I turned it on and it worked just fine.
Why is Waldoās shirt striped
Because he doesnāt want to be spotted
The invention of the shovel
Was groundbreaking
We went to a wedding and my drunk wife asked me what I thought of her dancing.
I said, āYou are just staggering.ā
It’s not really a meme, and not really science, but it deserves to be in here.
https://ift.tt/2t6a9nD
Scientists removed the right half brain of a man…
…and then, they asked him to count to ten. The man counted, "two, four, six, eight, ten." Then they put the right-half back and removed the left-half, and again asked the man to count to ten. The man counted, "one, three, five, seven, nine." The scientists then removed both halves of the man's brain, and asked him again to count to ten. The man said, "look, we're gonna count to ten. We're gonna count. Because I know numbers, I have the best numbers. All the politicians in Washington can't count to one-believe me, I've counted to one many, many times. They said we couldn't count to ten. Well, I'm beating all of those people in the polls. We're gonna count to ten. Everybody, count to ten. Okay? And let me tell you – let me tell you something. I will be the best counting President God has ever created. We are gonna count to so many tens, I tell you. Look at that!"
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and asks the barman….
āCan I have a drink for me and one for the roadā
I just found out that āAaarghhā is not a real word.
I canāt express how angry that makes me.
A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs into two priests
He goes over to the first priest and says, "Dude, I'm Jesus Christ!" And the priest says, "No son, you're not." So the drunk goes over to the second priest and says, "Man, I'm Jesus Christ!" Then the priest says, "No son, you're not." Finally, the drunk had had enough and said, "Here, I'll prove it." He walks back into the bar with both priests and the bartender looks up and sees the drunk and says, "JESUS CHRIST, you're back AGAIN?"
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
I was at a restaurant with my wife when a waitress suddenly screamed, “Does anyone know CPR??”
I shouted, "Even better, I know the whole alphabet!" Everyone laughed… Well, everyone except this one guy.
Dad, are we pyromaniacs?
Yes, we arson.
My wife hated my impulse purchase of a new revolving chair. But then she sat on it.
Eventually she came around.
An English man and an Irish man are driving head-on, at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving too fast
for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Englishman goes to the boot and fetches a 12-year-old bottle of whiskey. He hands the bottle to the Irish man, who exclaims,'' may the Irish and the English live together forever, in peace, and harmony.'' The Irish man then tips the bottle and gulps half of the bottle down. Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Englishman, who replies: '' no thanks, I'll just wait till the Police get here!''
Did you hear about the new pen that can write underwater?
It can write other words too.
Three nurses working in a morgue discover a dead man with a hard on.
The first nurse says, "I can't let that go to waste", and rides him. The second nurse does the same. The third nurse hesitates and explains she is on her period, but decides to ride him anyways. All of a sudden the man sits up and and the nurses apologize explaining how that thought he was dead. The man replies: "I was, but after two jumpstarts and a blood transfusion I feel fucking great.
Warning, this is a huge spoiler
https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0699/6735/products/mini-wing-spoiler_copy_x1400.jpg?v=1508404270
I was so bored that I memorized 6 pages of a dictionary
I learned next to nothing
