THE SOONER THE BETTER
I don’t know what to make of it.
Thanks for nothing.
The results speak for themselves.
I thought I locked the basement I don't know how she keeps getting down there
It will be the last thing I do.
A police officer says to a couple: “I’m sorry to tell you this, but your son set the school on fire”.
They ask "Arson?", and the officer answers "Yes, your son".
It's down to its last quarter.
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I prefer to see it as a plus
I have some breaking news for her.
Left the brownies in the oven too long.
You can look at them longer if you're wearing sunglasses
I think I’m being stalked…
A young cowboy, sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the West. The cowboy walked over to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him of his great ambition to be a great gunfighter. "Could you give me some tips?" he asked. The old man said, "Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high — tie the holster a little lower down on your leg." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" "Sure will." The young man did as he was told, then stood up, whipped out his .44, and shot the bow tie off the piano player. "That's terrific!" exclaimed the cowboy. "Got any more tips?" "Yep," said the old man. "Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it — that'll give you a smoother draw." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man. "You bet it will," said the old-timer. The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cuff link off the piano player. "Wow!" said the cowboy excitedly, "I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips?" The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. "See that can of axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it." The young man smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun. "No," said the old-timer, "I mean smear it all over the gun, the handle, and all." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the puzzled young man. "No," said the old-timer, "but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he's gonna shove that gun up your ass, and it won't hurt near as much."
He said, "Make me one with everything. "
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns
Sorry, wrong sub
Guess the two of us aren't going to work out.
The general stood tall and said "1956 ma'am." The woman, taken back by this answer said "1956?! That long?! Let me make your night better…" and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman began to strip and the two made passionate love for an hour. The woman cuddled up to the army general afterward and said "well, you sure haven't forgotten any thing since 1956…". The general looked at her confused and said "well I sure hope not. It's only 2130 now!"
..It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
I said, “Just because you’re unwilling to try new things, doesn’t mean everyone’s that frigid.” “Not that,” she explained, “It’s just the plumbers that come to our house have tiny cocks.”
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She keeps denying it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
She said: To stop seeing the same joke over and over in r/jokes. Oh, and also fuck you.
We got a long well.
He used praypal
She wanted to speak to the task manager.
Battle royale with cheese.
Mine is sweet, supportive, and a great influence on me and my wife. I can't say anything bad about her.
To blow off some steam 🙅♂️🚂