It doesn't last long for fat people.
When they grow up, two of them become adult knees.
Guess the two of us aren’t going to work out
Only two: One to promise a bright future and another one to screw it up.
My friend said, “Congratulations on your new job. How did you get it?” I replied, “The same way the Virgin Mary got Jesus.” He laughed, “A miracle?!”
I said, "No. Sex that I can't tell anyone about."
I Hershey kisses good too
… and they were all traveling to the same conference. At the train station, the mathematicians each bought a train ticket, and the engineers only bought one to share between the three of them. "What a bunch of idiots," the mathematicians said. "When the ticket master comes through, they'll be kicked off the train!" Sure enough, on board the train, they could hear the ticket master in the next car, saying, "Tickets please." The three engineers ran into the train bathroom and closed the door. The ticket master came in and knocked on the door and said, "Tickets please." They slipped the ticket under the door and the ticket master moved on. "That's brilliant!" The mathematicians exclaimed. "We should do that on our way home!" After the conference ended and they were traveling home the mathematicians all bought one ticket to share between them… and the engineers didn't buy ANY ticket at all! "What a bunch of idiots," the mathematicians said. "What are they going to do when the ticket master comes through? They'll be kicked off the train." On the train they soon heard the ticket master in the next car saying, "Tickets please." All three mathematicians ran into one bathroom and closed the door. All three engineers ran into the other bathroom and closed the door. As soon as both doors were closed, an engineer came out of the bathroom and knocked on the mathematicians door and said, "Tickets please."
But I turned myself around.
A joke has meaning.
Fuck the ships. My lighthouse, my rules
“Well,” he began, “my main weakness would definitely be my issues with reality—telling what’s real from what’s not.” “Okay,” said the interviewer. “And what about your strengths?” “I’m Batman.”
She was just pulling my leg.
Just because a bunch of black dudes are in the same room with each other doesn't make it a gang.
Me: Well, it’s ……a long story.
The nurse takes the cat, goes into the room, and comes out 10 minutes later. "Sir, we have good news and bad news."
"Usually an overdose, son," I told him.
One is a Goodyear, one is a great year.
The bartender says "Get out – We don't serve your type".
In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.
I want the best bang for my buck
The eyes, because they dilate.
When I was in kindergarten, I was so caught up in learning the names of all the numbers that I memorized them out of order.
I couldn't see the fours for the threes.
The doctor tells him he will give him a dick transplant. He loses his 3-foot-long dick for a 4-inch-long dick. He comes back in a week and says, "Now my wife wont have sex with me. May I have the old one back?" The doctor replies… "A d-d-d-deal's a d-d-d-deal."
Well, that's close but no Seger. Old time rock and roll never forgets.
One day I’ll pretend to be gay. I’ll make lots of female friends, gain their trust. Become their confidant, and when they least expected…BAAM!!!
I'll have sex with their boyfriends