The Three Stooges reboot looks awesome!
For example, right now you’re thinking, “It’s psychic, you idiot!”
but on the other, it’s just not right.
I had to put my foot down
he felt his presence
He beefed up his security
Then there's You, without either. Happy Valentines
But my girlfriend keeps insisting it says dyslexia
All the DNA is the same and there are no dental records…
They contacted his next of Ken. That's a damn good joke. I'm proud of that joke.
Terrible joke. Only 3 stars.
1) 2) 3)
I get it, you have more money than me, you don't have to show off.
It saves time on laundry, since a lot of the time they hang themselves.
In a croc pot.
But cocaine is where I draw the line.
Police are combing the area.
But they're all too basic 🙁
I’m their new spokesman.
While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head "NO". The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the food flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I never seen nobody done it.
Translation:Alexa: ‘Helga, bring Klaus a beer”Most algorithms are programmed by men’https://ift.tt/2H2F8UH
MY CAPS LOCKED
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A young woman goes to her doctor about two small rashes on her thighs. The doctor tests her for allergies, and then asks “Ma’am, are you a lesbian?” The woman stares for a second, then says “Yes, I am. Why?” “There’s the problem.” the doctor said “Tell your girlfriend to stop wearing cheap earrings.”
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
"Five beers please."
Because 8 years of child support is better than 18.
Like fucking the president. -Jeff Ross
That's a long time considering they're working around the clock
If you don't clean your house, you'll get a dirty lair.
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The wall has never been anything but supportive.
When it's ajar
He tells the audience he is going to disappear on the count of three, "Uno" "Dos" And then he vanished, and disappeared without a tres
It's not your typical food sauce
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
So they can fight knights.
A woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were flapping in the breeze. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed. Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!" The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: "I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself." "The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago." "And what about the third rose?" she asked. "Oh, that rose is from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears."
1st woman: Hi Wanda! 2nd woman: Ohmigod, Sylvia! How did you die? 1st woman: I froze to death. 2nd woman: How horrible! 1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? 2nd woman: I had a massive heart attack. I suspected my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him. But instead I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. 1st woman: So then what happened? 2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman in the house that I started running all over the house looking, I ran up into the attic to search and then down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere in the house. Finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died,. 1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer. We'd both still be alive.
They did unspeakable things to her.
“I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs”, he said. “By all means officer, just don’t go in that field over there”, I replied. The DEA officer exploded, saying “Do you know who the fuck I am?! I have the authority of the federal government with me!”, he shouted before pulling a badge out of his back pocket, “Do you see this fucking badge?! This badge means I can do what I want and I’ll go wherever the fuck I want, have I made myself clear?!” I nodded politely, apologized, and went about my chores. A short while later, I hear loud screams, looked up and saw the DEA agent running for his life being chased by my angry rodeo bull. With each step, the bull was gaining ground and he seemed sure to be gored before he reached safety. The officer looked terrified and continued to run for his life. I threw down my tools, immediately ran to the edge of the fence and shouted at the top of my lungs, “Your badge, show him your fucking badge!”