The ultimate meme
It makes it really weird when I'm fucking her and I think of my girlfriend.
Suddenly, there was a beeping sound. The German pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at her questionly. "That was my pager," she said. " I have a microchip implanted under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later, a phone rang. The Japanese woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, " that was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand." The HILLBILLY woman felt decidedly low tech. Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of paper hanging from her behind. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her. The HILLBILLY woman finally said, "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a FAX."
It was the end of my Korea. I'm still China find another job.
But apparently all it does is change the color of the baby
But I'm clean now.
I was at the bar last night when the waitress yelled out, “does anyone know CPR?” I yelled out, “Hell, I know the whole alphabet!” Everybody laughed. Well, except for this one guy.
I used a penny stamp to mail a love note. But instead of writing it, I only sprayed it with my favorite cologne.
With a cent, I sent a scent.
Quick answers please.
Me: I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way. Genie: I promise that won't happen. I'm so sure it won't I'll give you infinite wishes if it does. Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth. Genie: You son of a…
No it doesn't
It’s not the end of the word.
Husband: I heard a rumor that the mailman has slept with every single woman on our street except one.
Wife: I bet it's that snooty Priscilla Jones in Number 7.
So I pushed her over
God my ankle hurts this morning.
I politely declined- I can't deal with high maintenance women.
Which I, personally, thought was a very weird and rude way to start a conversation!
Me: stop hitting yourself haha, why do you keep hitting yourself Sister-in-law: crying is this why you wanted an open casket
That has left scientists scratching their heads.
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Same middle name.
Don't worry, he woke up
Lucky it was a soft drink
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back to back." The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman. The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back to back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?" The Irishman replies, "Oh…I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."
I’ve seen enough.
It's working perfectly. They're in their mid-forties and still don't know.
Shit. I meant to post this somewhere else.
Apparently “Fucking large ones” wasn’t an acceptable answer.