He came closer and asked what problem is. Old man: I’m looking for my son, but I’m gonna lose my hope. Jesus pitied the man and said, “let’s look for your son together.” After some time, Jesus asked him that if he has some birthmark or else to recognize him more easily. Yes, said the old man. “He had nails driven on his hands and feet.” Jesus started and hugged the man, saying “FATHER!” The old man screamed happily, “PINOCCHIO!”
The horse replies "You read my mind buddy!"
I said "Can we be friends with benefits?". She said "So, you just want sex?". I said "No, I want you to add me on your health insurance.".
They don’t fuck around.
When I got home from work I found two turds in my toilet. I know for a fact when I left there were three.
…the rolls-rice of Asian seafood.
Now he’s just a handyman.
I think it’s the Chopin board.
Just in case there’s a salad dressing
"In these troubled times, the steaks have never been higher."
My dad and I are going out tonight and I asked if he could pick me up. He said "I think so – I've been working out!"
He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Now the problems start!"
Currently staying at a hotel with my dad. Next to the parking lot there’s a sign that says “pet grounds”, pointing to where you can walk your dog. My dad reads it aloud, “pet grounds”, so I say “alright then”. I crouched down, pet the grass a little bit and said, “good grounds”. Got a good laugh out of it.
Oscillating ones cool the room much better.
It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
No text found
I was almost productive for a second there!
It runs in your genes.
One takes things literally and the other takes things, literally.
I noticed some real change in him
I'm an only child 🙁
A) No B) A little C) Señor
…until it is full groan.
One’s a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
Oh you are? I see. Why?
I would like to thank my legs for always supporting me. And I would like to thank my fingers because I can always count on them.
Including my name, address and phone number.
Not what you are thinking.
It was my new year's resolution.
They both become useless after opening windows.
Him: will you remember me in 5 years? Me: yes Him: will you remember me in 10 years? Me: yea Him: knock knock Me: who’s there Him: you forgot me already??