The word “diputseromneve” may look ridiculous…
…but backwards, it’s even more stupid…
What are the letters in the Pirate alphabet?
I, I, R, and the seven Cs.
In 2015, none of us got the answer right to
"where do you see yourself in 5 years?"
What do Egyptians do if they have a sore back?
Go see a Cairo-practor.
A woman reported one of her coworkers for sexual harassment because he said he liked the way her hair smelled. The HR rep said that it wasn’t sexual harassment.
The woman replied, "But it was the midget".
Why did the Mexican keep a wheel of cheddar in his truck?
In Queso emergencies
I’m as humble as equal sign.
I know I’m not > or < than any anyone else
They told me that I would never be able to injure myself whilst masterbating.
But I managed to pull it off
R.I.P Boiling water,
You will be mist.
Why can’t you use “Beef stew” as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
Why is gum similar to guns?
If you take one out during class, everyone starts acting like your friend.
What does a pregnant teenage girl and her baby have in common?
They're both thinking "Oh shit, my mom is gonna kill me."
You can tell an ant’s gender by putting it in water
If it sinks, girl ant and if it floats, buoyant
“Hey Dad, who invented the haircut?”
“I don’t know, but I’m sure it was some barberian.”
I called the doctor “My wife is going into labour! What should I do?”
"Is this her first child?" he asked. "No this is her husband"
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and it settles on their land.
Why did the reluctant knight finally decide to join the crusade?
The king offered him a free palace stein
A Woman goes to buy a Parrot.
The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap? "Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays the $15. When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs. When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!" The girls laugh too. When the dad gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me Pete, haven't seen you for weeks!"
If horses gallop…
Do seahorses scallop?
Reddit should rename ‘share’ to ‘spreddit’, ‘delete’ to ‘shreddit’ and ‘karma’ to ‘creddit’.
Yet they haven't. I don't geddit. Eddit: Leddit be heard, thank you for the silver!
The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.
The Pope says to Trump, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!” Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that, with one wave of your hand? Show me!” So the Pope slapped him.
My iPhone made an album of when I took my kitten to the hospital and she died last year.
https://ift.tt/2xxrAzi
A man was hospitalised with 6 plastic horses up his ass
The doctor described his condition as stable
Went to the zoo yesterday with my family and saw a baguette in a cage
The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity
What type of underwear does Lara Croft wear?
Fruit of the tomb
You don’t want me to treat you to a bespoke outfit from my tailor?
Fine, suit yourself.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous
I'm seeing a lot of new faces here in the crowd this week and I have to say I am very disappointed.
Today I got gas for $1.49!
..At Taco Bell.
There was an emperor who was great at measuring things.
He was an excellent ruler.