Then they were subjected to blanket firing.
It's not hard
I do it to remind myself why there is no money in there.
The eyes, because they dilate.
He said: “Suuuuureee YOU can!”
Repost a popular joke from yesterday, It’s a piece of cake.
Husband: “Ok… but I talk a lot of shit when I’m high”
all I did was take a day off
I can’t see myself doing that again any time soon.
He gets invited to his girlfriend's house. He stops at the pharmacy and says: "Can I get a condom? I'm going to my girlfriend's house tonight and I think I'm gonna get lucky." "Sure" the pharmacist replies. As he walks out he turns around and says: "Actually, her sister has been giving me the eyes as well. You'd better give me another one" "No problem" the pharmacist replies as he hands over another. He turns to walk out again and turns around: "In fact, the mother has been giving me some signs to. I'm pretty sure she wants me the most. Can I have another?" He takes the 3 condoms and turns up at his girlfriend's house. As they all sit down to eat, they begin to say grace. As the prayer finish and they say amen, the boy keeps his head down. His girlfriend: "Wow, I didn't realise you were so religious" The boy, keeping his head down replied: "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist".
I wish I could post this in any other sub.
He wanted to get a long little doggy. (credit: my sister, Lisa)
…it was fantastic!
It'll come back to bite you.
Because no one wants a blowjob from a girl when her teeth are chattering.
American: Have you seen the Titanic? Canadian: What's that about? American: Yes it was. A huge one that sank.
6:30pm Canada is now testing the vaccine for coronavirus
A new Army Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asked the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there. "Well, sir," was the nervous reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have …m-m-m…. urges. That's why we have the camel, sir." The Captain said, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay." About a month later, the Captain started having a real problem with his own urges. Crazy with passion, he asked the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stood on it, pulled down his pants, and had wild, insane sex with the camel. When he was done, he asked the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?" "Uh, no sir," the First Sergeant replied. "They usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are."
She said why? are you feeling horny? I said no we need bread!
Destruction of state property
So from a distance it looks like hares
I said ,"Lorry, Al."
"I'm a harpsichord." Says the first. "I'm a lute." Says the second. "No you're not!" Says the harpsichord. "You're that other string instrument!" The second looks at him, shocked, and says, "Sir, are you calling me a lyre?!"
"If you ever come close to me, I'll fucking skin you alive. When we're sleeping, you don't fucking touch me. You hear me? Don't ever talk to me, either." "Fucking great." I thought, "First day in here and I'm already married."
I said, "That's a weird name for an author."
Is this stool taken?
Wanna hear a joke about short term memory loss?
Kids these days have such great manners
I was out with my young daughter and ran into a friend I’d not seen in years. “This is Beth.” I said, introducing my kid. “And what’s Beth short for?” he asked.
"Because she's only three." I answered.
antibiotics will never go viral.
It has grown on me
I see a few new faces here, and i am very disappointed.
Because no one can spot him
It’s open Mike night!