Then they were subjected to blanket firing.
How do you find a blind man on a nude beach?
It's not hard
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet.
I do it to remind myself why there is no money in there.
Which body part dies last ?
The eyes, because they dilate.
I asked Ryu if i could learn martial arts at his level yesterday
He said: “Suuuuureee YOU can!”
How easy is it to get Reddit karma?
Repost a popular joke from yesterday, It’s a piece of cake.
![[image] School time memory](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/pu2p8rrncej41-400x383.png)
Wife: “Can you give the kids a talk on drugs?”
Husband: “Ok… but I talk a lot of shit when I’m high”
I just got fired from the calendar factory and I don’t understand why
all I did was take a day off
I just poked myself in the eye.
I can’t see myself doing that again any time soon.
A boys get invited to his girlfriend’s house for dinner
He gets invited to his girlfriend's house. He stops at the pharmacy and says: "Can I get a condom? I'm going to my girlfriend's house tonight and I think I'm gonna get lucky." "Sure" the pharmacist replies. As he walks out he turns around and says: "Actually, her sister has been giving me the eyes as well. You'd better give me another one" "No problem" the pharmacist replies as he hands over another. He turns to walk out again and turns around: "In fact, the mother has been giving me some signs to. I'm pretty sure she wants me the most. Can I have another?" He takes the 3 condoms and turns up at his girlfriend's house. As they all sit down to eat, they begin to say grace. As the prayer finish and they say amen, the boy keeps his head down. His girlfriend: "Wow, I didn't realise you were so religious" The boy, keeping his head down replied: "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist".
I finally got someone to be my valentine!
I wish I could post this in any other sub.
Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?
He wanted to get a long little doggy. (credit: my sister, Lisa)
How does an octopus go into battle?
Well armed
I mixed an orange flavored soda and a twig once…
…it was fantastic!
Don’t throw a snake like a boomerang.
It'll come back to bite you.
Why do guys always give their jacket to girls when they’re cold?
Because no one wants a blowjob from a girl when her teeth are chattering.
A Canadian asks an American to watch a movie together.
American: Have you seen the Titanic? Canadian: What's that about? American: Yes it was. A huge one that sank.
3:15pm So the hockey season got cancelled in Canada because of the coronavirus
6:30pm Canada is now testing the vaccine for coronavirus
Old but gold
A new Army Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asked the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there. "Well, sir," was the nervous reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have …m-m-m…. urges. That's why we have the camel, sir." The Captain said, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay." About a month later, the Captain started having a real problem with his own urges. Crazy with passion, he asked the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stood on it, pulled down his pants, and had wild, insane sex with the camel. When he was done, he asked the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?" "Uh, no sir," the First Sergeant replied. "They usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are."
I just asked the wife to get into her nurses uniform.
She said why? are you feeling horny? I said no we need bread!
Why is suicide illegal in china?
Destruction of state property
I’m bald and im going to get a head tattoo of multiple rabbits
So from a distance it looks like hares
My American friend, Alfred, asked, “What is your favourite shampoo truck?”
I said ,"Lorry, Al."
Two medieval instruments are having a conversation
"I'm a harpsichord." Says the first. "I'm a lute." Says the second. "No you're not!" Says the harpsichord. "You're that other string instrument!" The second looks at him, shocked, and says, "Sir, are you calling me a lyre?!"
On my first day in prison, my cellmate said to me…
"If you ever come close to me, I'll fucking skin you alive. When we're sleeping, you don't fucking touch me. You hear me? Don't ever talk to me, either." "Fucking great." I thought, "First day in here and I'm already married."
![That moment you realise your relationship is actually an agile working team. What you had there wasn’t a date, it was a stand-up. [Found on r/MadeMeSmile]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/c3w5nc050ps31-400x368.jpg)
My son said he was going to read a book by the fire.
I said, "That's a weird name for an author."
A dung beetle walked into a bar and said
Is this stool taken?
Wanna hear a joke about short term memory loss?
Wanna hear a joke about short term memory loss?
A young kid came upto me and said “Can I please have a cigarette?” I was astonished.
Kids these days have such great manners
My korean friend died last week
So Yung
I was out with my young daughter and ran into a friend I’d not seen in years. “This is Beth.” I said, introducing my kid. “And what’s Beth short for?” he asked.
"Because she's only three." I answered.
No matter how popular they get
antibiotics will never go viral.
At first, I wasn’t so sure about keeping a beard, but
It has grown on me
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous!
I see a few new faces here, and i am very disappointed.
Why doesn’t where’s Waldo go to the gym
Because no one can spot him
Soo we’re going to the Autopsy club tonight huh? What’s happening there?
It’s open Mike night!
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
Gotta make it buzzword friendly for the execs. We’re all worker pods anyways.
https://ift.tt/39tROA1
