There are two guys stealing iPhones around the town
They are most likely going to face time
Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think
I told her to lighten up.
"Jesus," said my wife. "Look alive, will you!"
It went up without any problems, but I was worried the whole time that it would insult me. because it was so offensive.
..I had no idea anyone could stoop so low!
They’ve been ‘round a long time.
A Fjord Tourist.
Because its non stick. Source: my actual Dad.
She’s in for a rude awakening.
Now she is independent.
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
For example, right now you’re thinking, “It’s psychic, idiot.”
I mined my own business.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
We went and had drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer
Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, recently received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.
On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. "Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy. "Well," said Paddy, "there's the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage. Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging. There's also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week along with a bottle of whisky and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife." "That's disgraceful" said the inspector, "I need to interview the half-wit." "That'll be me then," said Paddy.
Because their "bi-winks".
µ Please ignore this text. It's only here to add more words because a single letter joke gets removed by the mods, who don't subscribe to the belief that brevity is the soul of wit. Thank you for not reading this message.
How could anyone stoop so low.
It was a pane to replace.
My wife said she was leaving me because, “I can’t do anything right when it comes to housework!” Selfish woman!!
It took me hours to mop that carpet!!
Oh, so your dad was a billionaire? No, he also wished he were.
No nut November
I just gave my too weak notice!
What does smoking marijuana do?
Two test tickles.