There! I fixed it . Everyone back to work !!
I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people.
But none of them work.
I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today!!!
That’s seven years in a row now!!
What do you call hiking trails around an asylum?
Psychopaths
A guy with flame tattoo sleeves walks into a building. Security stops him and says,
There are no firearms allowed in this building.
What do you call a veterinarian who practices chiropracty?
An animal cracker.
Why did my dad go to prison?
Beats me.
I called Serena Williams to interview her for a magazine article and asked, “So Serena, What’s your favorite planet?”
Her: It’s Venus. Me: I’m sorry Venus. Could you put Serena on the phone?
Why don’t blind people skydive?
It scares the shit out of their guidedogs.
I’ve often heard that “icy” is the easiest word to spell
Looking at it now, I see why
I don’t get any of these dad jokes in this community!!!!
I must not have Reddit right.
Hagrid cremates Harry Potter and throws his ashes into a snowstorm
"You're a blizzard, Harry"
Have you all heard about the monk who claimed to see the face of jesus in a tub of margarine?
He said “i cant believe its not Buddha”
My teacher said I wouldn’t be good at poetry because of my dyslexia.
So far I have made three jugs and a vase so fuck you, Mr. Johnson!
My girlfriend broke up with me since I made too many bowling jokes.
I guess they just weren't up her alley. God she's such a pinhead.
What did the gender-neutral gold miner say to their foreman?
“There’s gold in them/their hills.”
My wisdom will kill me one day
I went to the liquor store yesterday on my bicycle, bought a bottle of whisky and put it in the bicycle basket As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank all the whisky before I cycled home. Finally, it turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home. Imagine what would have happened to the bottle!…. Edit => Wow , thanks for all the upvotes. However, I feel bad, as it is not my own joke
This will probably get deleted because it’s not a clean joke, but I wanted to say thanks.
Two weeks ago a dear friend went into the hospital on bed rest with preeclampsia in hopes of keeping her baby in utero a little longer. To keep her cheered, I visited r/cleanjokes every day and sent her jokes throughout the day. She had her little preemie today … only 3 pounds but healthy. My friend told me she really looked forward to the jokes … and I found all of them here. So thank you to all of you who helped keep her cheered while she gave her precious baby more time.
What’s the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb
What is a weightlifter’s favorite city?
Gainesville
COP: Where were you the night of the murder?
CROW: I was with a group of friends COP: What would you call that group? CROW: …I want a lawyer
Whenever I go to a sauna, I must have the whole thing to my self…
I have selfish steam issues.
A duck is standing next to a busy road, cars zooming past while he waits for a break in traffic.
A chicken walks up to him and says "Don't do it, man you'll never hear the end of it.
My daughter said she literally can’t even…
… so that’s odd.
My friend David had his ID stolen.
Now he's just Dave.
