There were 2 fly’s on a toilet seat.
One got pissed off.
You get your palm red for free
"Breathe you idiot, BREATHE!" I've never been so proud.
“Nervous.” Asked the interviewer. “No, I always give 110%”
You’re walking along the Oregon Trail and you meet a guy named terry. You laugh at him as say Terry is a girls name. Terry shoots you. You’ve died of dissen terry.
Because it’s Tuesday.
She's probably pulling your leg
But you guys didn't like it.
Because when you cry, you moist your eyes.
but it's literally 50%
Just learned about this shower thing, pretty cool
My ex- rapper friend decided to stop his gardening business because he was really careless with his tools.
He has hoes in different area codes.
Now I have to wait all day to see it again):
Man: I wish your name was "Burger King". Genie: Wait, what? Why? Man: It's for a joke, trust me. Genie: You'd waste a wish, something with the power to change the cosmos itself, for a joke? Man: Yes. Burger King: Have it your way.
It’s something I could always see myself doing
Because you don't know what he laces them with and you'll be tripping all day.
"I'm a professional. In over 20 years, I've never laughed at a patient." "Ok then," said Bob, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the smallest male part the nurse had ever seen. In length and width it was the same size as a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse tried to stop a giggle but it just came out. Feeling very badly that she laughed at the mans penis, she composed herself as well as she could. "I'm so sorry," she said, "I don't know what came over me. On my honour as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now tell me, what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen" She ran out of the room…..
I think I'm infected with Mall-Wear
I guess we'll know when the time comes.
This is the most advanced and comfortable gaming desk on the planet. It even has power and usb outlets in the drawers and cabinets and the entire surface supports wireless fast charging. It uses our own patented one-of-a-kind power cable with-built in backup battery to deliver completely uninterupted charging and power. This amazing desk starts at just $199.Legs and power cable sold separately at two thousand dollars each.6 months later: Unfortunately we will be ending support for this desk.
The father sighs, places his hand on the boy's shoulder and replies wistfully: "We tried, but nobody would take you"
It's my signature move.
It may, Fri 10 you.
I'm not kidding.
It's always "Is Pepsi ok ?"
Alcohol IS a solution.
You have the freezing cold part at the top Then in the middle, you have cheese, cold meat, and a good drinks selection Then down the bottom corner, there's just turkey and grease
0% of my friends are Nazis, and thats a good percentage.
It’s true! I saw it with my own eyes.
Mothers Against Dyslexia
Apparently the polite term is conjoined twins
Kristen: Sure! Christen: thank you Kris: Anytime