There’s a baby, you have to laugh
I just need dad joke enthusiasts to know that the International Poultry Meat Congress is held in Turkey this year.
Mice krispies. I’ll see myself to the door now
so I just came in my pants.
“Hello 911.” “What’s your emergency?” “These men won’t stop laughing.” “That’s annoying, but not a crime.”
“Wtf is manslaughter then.”
Because the root of their negativity is imaginary.
Imagine the releaf they feel in spring.
Most only have 4 though.
I know because I kept a log
A "roamin" Catholic.
He disappeared without a tres
A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu: "Cheeseburgers: $5 Fries: $3 Handjobs: $10." He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs?" "Yes, I am," she replies seductively. "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, ‘Father, may I ask a favour?’
'Of course child. What may I do for you?' ‘Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?' 'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.' 'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.' When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?' 'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.' The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?' 'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Nothing, they’re free of charge.
She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.
Now he makes deadjokes.
It's not stroganoff
It's best to just pick them up.
When the punchline becomes apparent!
One minute you’re on a roll And the next minute, you’re taking shit from some asshole
If you pour pepper on a cat's tail, it'll fall off, too.
It is LAYHEEHOO
This morning, my wife was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. As I walked in, she turned to me and said, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!” My eyes lit up and I thought, “This is my lucky day!
Not wanting to lose the moment, I didn't waste any time at all, I gave her a banging right on the kitchen table! Afterwards she said, "Thanks." and returned to the stove. More than a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?" She giggled, "The egg timer's broken."
So give it arrest…
And then she gave me a huge hug.
They just frowned and moved to another part of the silent disco.
Cause you’re fucking loud and annoying.
Don't worry, I'm not hurt. It was a soft drink.
If Phoenixes can fly why is he Joaquin?
One girl says “the sky is definitely blue” that is wrong One boy says “the leaves are definitely green” that is wrong One boy asks “are farts lumpy?” The teacher says no, He says “then I definitely shit my pants”