These guys are so funny
I was applying for Australian citizenship and the interviewer asked, “Do you have a criminal record?”
I said, “No. Is that still required?”
But when I cuddle another guy I’m “a creep” and “need to leave the morgue immediately”
Two men are trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there two women golfers in front of them who are taking quite a long time to play each hole.
The first guy says, "Why don't you go over and ask if we can play through?" The second guy gets about halfway there, turns and comes back. The first guy says, "What's wrong?" The second guy says, "One of them is my wife, and the other is my mistress." The first guy says, "That could be a problem. I'll go over." He gets about halfway there and he turns and comes back, too. The second guy says, "What's wrong?" The first guy says, "Small world!"
But his brother Frank was a monster!
Not enough people really talk about England very much
It was an autobiography…
It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
I was a bit nervous and a little flustered, so the policeman thought I was under the influence. He gave me a breath test, which I passed, but he was still not convinced. He then called in the sniffer dog, and when it arrived it promptly had a good sniff inside my vehicle. "Look here son", the policeman said to me, sternly. "This dog is telling me you have drugs on you" I looked at him, dead in the eye and said "mate, you're the one with the talking dog"
Tom: holding a cup Do it to my tea! Magician: waves hand Done! om: holding a cup It didn't work
4 For Sales 5 For Customer Service or 6 to hear these options again
A college professor asks all of his students to brainstorm and yell out different kinds of stereotypes.
"All blonde girls are dumb!" yells a boy in the back. "Sony!" yells the blonde girl in the front.
he came running jk rowling
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
But it didn't workout.
He got side burns.
Mom: Stares at Dad Dad: Clenches fist Mom: "Don't!" Dad: Sweats Profusely Mom: "…" Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"
She got a full sentence
It’s just heartbreaking knowing he will never finish his sentence.
We’ll keep you updated as the story unfolds…
His blood tested positive for Coke.
It just kept ringing.
Some boomer humor is actually good, some is wholeheartedly trash, but both sides of the spectrum exist, and both can be enjoyed.
Man: About how much milk do you get from them in a day? Farmer: Which one, the brown one or the black one? Man: The brown one. Farmer: About a half gallon a day. Man: And the black one? Farmer: About a half gallon a day. Man (looking puzzled): Ok.. what do you feed them? Farmer: Which one? Man: The brown one. Farmer: She eats grass. Man: And the black one? Farmer: She eats grass, too. Man (becoming annoyed): Why do you keep asking me to specify which cow when the answers are the same? Farmer: Because the brown cow is mine. Man: Oh, and the black one? Farmer: It’s mine, too.
A literalist takes things literally. A kleptomaniac takes things, literally.