They found the murderer of Captain Crunch.
It was a cereal killer.
My brother went to his AA meeting drunk, then he tripped down the stairs.
He's been having lots of trouble with the steps lately.
I’ve been accused of stealing other people’s jokes
This post says otherwise
I didn’t realize my dad used to steal board-games from the toy store.
But when I look back now, all the Clues added up.
Teach a man a joke, and he will laugh for a day
Teach a redditor a joke, and they will repost it for a lifetime.
Vote for whoever you want- but don’t say it will definitively work out this time.
https://ift.tt/2TgTgk9
Did you know that it’s wrong to breed eels with eagles?
It’s eel-eagle.
[NSFW] What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
Glrhrglelgrglugr
What do you call a belt made out of watches?
Waist of time.
How do crazy people get through the woods?
They take the psycho path.
![[Creative title]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/rn39ewxzbj721-400x208.jpg)
My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah’s Witness so he wouldn’t arouse suspicion
He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.
David Hasselhoff walked into a bar
and ordered a drink. “Its a pleasure to serve you, Mr Hasselhoff,” said the bartender. “Just call me Hoff,” the actor replied. “Sure,” the bartender said, “no hassle.”
For protection against being called a boomer, you can now designate your generation via a user flair.
Stay safe out there.Addition sub changes:Ability to report common repostsAbility to report NSFW posts that need to be marked NSFW
So there’s a new hotel that’s just opened up called 12:59:59pm.
I heard their service is second to one.
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it.
"It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I’m in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each o'me brothers and one for me self." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss." The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine!" He explains, "It's just that my wife had us join that Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. But it hasn't affected me brothers though."
I have a fetish for the final paragraph of an essay.
I just came to that conclusion.
What’s black and screams?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
Did you know that before the crowbar was invented
They just drank at home.
What do websites and people have in common?
They both use cookies to improve their performance
It is very rare for a defibrillator to fail.
When it happens, though, nobody is shocked.
Does anyone know if its possible to get a skin graft from my butt to a close acquaintance?
Arse skin for a friend.
How heavy is a red hot chili pepper
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now!
Someone broke into my house and stole 20% of my couch.
Who the fuck does that.
Why are teeth so privileged?
They’re straight and white.
Why doesn’t Kim Jong Un have a girlfriend?
Because he's too focused on his Korea.
Are your kids twins?
A very loud, unattractive, mean, nasty woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly, "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?" The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't. The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?" "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter, "I just couldn't believe someone would fuck you twice …"
What do you call a dog on a U-boat?
A subwoofer.
British people be like: I’m bri ish
I guess they drank the t
I was telling my architect friends how much I love M.C. Escher.
They all gave me some weird stairs.
What’s the difference between kung pao and the coronavirus?
One's Chinese take out, the other takes out Chinese.
#2537: Do you have a vagina?
A woman hears a knock on the door and when she opens the door a man asks this. Man: Do you have a vagina? Woman slams the door in disgust The next morning she hears a knock again and answers the door. The man asks the same question Man: do you have a vagina? She slams the door again. Later that night when her husband comes home from work she tells him what's happened the past 2 days. The husband says in a concerned voice "Honey I'm going to take the day off work tomorrow and stay with you incase that creep shows again". The next day there is a knock at the door again, both the husband and wife rush to the door, the husband whispers " I'm going to hide behind the door, if he asks the question again say yes because I want to know where he's going with this" The man asks again " do you have a vagina?" Woman answers " yes actually I have a vagina, why? " The man replies " oh wow good! That means you can tell your husband to start using it and leave my wife's alone!".
I had a difficult, emotional talk with my 9-year-old son this morning. There was a lot of crying and “nobody wants me on their team” and “I haven’t got any friends”.
Anyway, he was very nice about it and gave me some good tips for being more sociable.
Do you want a brief explanation of what an acorn is?
In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.
What do you call a soldier that’s survived mustard gas and pepper spray?
A seasoned veteran
Elevators terrify me
I'm taking steps to avoid them
