They just ain’t working!
It’s okay if you have no idea what “prefix” means.
It’s not the end of the word.
Got a new job at the guillotine factory.
I'll beheading there shortly.
I was at the museum recently and asked a worker there if I was allowed to take pictures. He replied…
"No, they have to stay on the walls."
A guy with wet feet enters a bar
The barman asks : Why are your feet wet? The guy says: I went into the lake to get wood. A second guy enters the bar and is wet from the knees to the toes. The barman asks: Why are you wet? The second guy says: I went into the lake to get wood. A third guy enters the bar and is wet from the hips to the toes. The barman asks: Why are you wet? The third guy says: I went into the lake to get wood. A fourth guy enters the bar and is completly wet. The barman says: I guess you went into the lake to get wood?! The fourth guy says: No. I'm Wood !
How do you tell the difference between an Indian and African elephant?
One of them is an elephant.
Four surgeons are discussing about who they like to operate on.
The first one says “I like to operate on librarians. When you open them up, everything is sorted alphabetically” The second one says “I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everything is numbered and organized” The third one says “I like operating on electricians. When you open them up, everything is color coded” The fourth one says “Guys come on, operating on politicians is the best and clearly the easiest” The other three are looking at each other in disbelief. One of them asks why. So the surgeon says “They are heartless, gutless, spineless and heads and asses are interchangeable!”
A new strain of lice is going around that is resistant to conventional treatments.
That has left scientists scratching their heads.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent
What does James Bond do before he goes to bed?
He goes undercover
Does anyone know if we can start taking showers yet?
Or are we still just washing our hands?
What did the preacher say at the vegetable mass?
“Lettuce pray for peas on Earth.” Then “Why do I bother with puns, everyone here’s brain dead.”
I’m not sure if my ceiling is the best i’ve ever had
but it's certainly up there.
I’ve been trying to come up with jokes about people who don’t exercise
But none of them work out
TIL eusocial insects of the family Formicidae NEVER get sick because…
…they have those tiny anty bodies…
My friend said she can put her legs behind her head
I told her it sounded like a bit of a stretch
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they are so good at it.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. Bartender asks him what’s with the steering wheel? He replies…
"Arghhh, I don't know but it's been drivin' me nuts all day"
What Donald Ducks drug of choice?
Quack cocain
Nobody’s heard from the Zamboni drivers since the NHL cancelled their season.
I'm sure they'll resurface at some point.
Why don’t people from Alabama do reverse cowgirl? [NSFW]
Because they never turn their back on family
Son: Mom, Dad, I’m gay.
Dad: clenches fist Mom: DON’T Dad: sweats profusely Mom: … Dad: HI GAY I’M DAD
If Wonder Woman walks around aimlessly, she is
Wander Woman.
Just heard about a dwarf who was pickpocketed
How could anyone stoop so low?
My favorite sex position is called WOW.
It’s where I flip your MOM over.
These jokes…
At first I thought that these jokes just weren't that funny. Then I realized that I'm depressed… and these jokes aren't that funny.