They love this kind of comic
a BOOMERang. Ha.
Zero fucks were given.
One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.
For years and years, he scrimped, scrounged, and saved up all his money for a lavish trip to Italy. Wanting to look his best for the pontiff, he had a custom-fitted suit tailored to his exact measurements and bought the finest Italian leather boots money could buy. The next morning he awoke before the dawn to make his way to Vatican City to meet the pope on his morning walk through his crowd of devout followers. He pushed his way to the front of the crowd, wanting to get as close to the Holy Father as possible. The grand doors opened and the pope emerged, greeting his followers, shaking hands, and offering blessings. The man caught the pope's eye, and the pope smiled and started walking towards him. This was it! He was finally going to get to share words with God's representative on Earth! Just as he was approaching the man, the pope noticed a downtrodden beggar lying in the ditch opposite the man. The pope changed course, made way for the beggar, bent down, and whispered something in the poor man's ear. The beggar nodded, got up, and walked off. The pope, now on the other side of the crowd, continued on away from the man. The man was devastated. He had missed his only chance to fulfill his ultimate dream. As the crowd dispersed, he noticed the beggar in the distance. A plan emerged in his mind. He made his way up to the beggar and said, "Sir, I would like to offer you a trade. I will give you my suit, my boots, and all of the cash in my wallet in exchange for your rags and tattered shoes. I believe this act of humility is my best chance to finally meet the pope." The poor man quickly agreed, of course, and the two men traded clothes. The next morning, the man made his way back to the Vatican and proceeded to lie down in the exact spot the beggar was the day before. The grand doors opened once again, and the pontiff emerged to meet his people. As the pope was walking through the crowd, the man saw that the pope was heading his way! His plan was going to work! Sure enough, the pope came over to him, knelt down and whispered, "I thought I told you to get the fuck out of here yesterday."
Yep. It's our bison-tennial.
You can see right through 'em.
Productivity is through the roof since nobody can leave the office.
Are you having a crisis?
I said, “What’s going on?” “You tell me?” replied my wife. I said, “I don’t know, you’re sitting on the sofa with a stranger.” “A stranger, hey?” shouted my girlfriend, “I’m no stranger, we’ve been having sex for six months!” I looked at my wife and said, “Is this true?”
Let’s meet up and share a joint.
It’s hard finding enough women willing to wear the same outfit.
Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.
As he was dying he kept insisting “be positive”but it’s hard without him.
A date site for witches is known for its members’ relationships moving too fast, and most of them ultimately break up.
Don't mount your Wiccans before they're matched.
Numbers not divisible by 2
“Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up”
I'm just doing it for the Monet
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
and gave her fifth grade class a challenge to spell any 12 letter word. One kid raised his hand and the teacher called on him. "M-A-S-T-U-R-B-A-T-I-O-N," he spelt. The whole class laughed and the teacher was quite taken aback, but nevertheless congratulated him as it was a 12 letter word and he did manage to spell it correctly. "Wow!" she said. "Well done. That's quite a mouthful!" The kid replies, "No, you're thinking of a blowjob!"
On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring. On the other hand, you don’t.
I've heard nothing since.
Cash who? No thanks, but I'll take a peanut! For allergic kids: No thanks, I'm allergic!
The owner of the shop said, What do you do for a riving? I said, What do I do for a living? I'm a bit of a comedian. So the Chinese chap says, Go on then, change color. I said, No. I'm not a chameleon, I'm a comedian. So then he says, Tell me a joke, make me raff. I said, You want me to tell you a joke and make you laugh? Just then his wok caught fire, so I said, Wok. Wok. And he said, Who der?
It was an iDivorce
That’s ridiculous. My dogs don’t even own bikes
I'll probably watch them all like that from now on.
Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean
Like getting up early to go to work.
I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."