They put Kevin Hart on the kids cam 😂😂😂
That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
It means a lot to him
My self confidence is skyrocketing! A TON of people think I’m sexy at this green light right now….
" A man who lays with another man should be stoned. " (Leviticus 20: 13)
Remains to be seen
Man: "Doc, what on Earth are you saying?”, clearly shocked. “What can I do to live at least a little longer?" Doc: "Well, do you eat greasy and fried food?" Man: "Yes." Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it allows me to live longer, I'll do it!" Doc: "Do you drink sodas and eat fast food?" Man: "Yes." Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it allows me to live longer, okay." Doc: "Do you stay up late?" Man: "Yes." Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it allows me to live longer, then I shall." Doc: "Do you have sex often?" Man: "Yes." Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it allows me to live longer, then I’ll do that too." Doc: "Do you smoke?" Man: "Yes." Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it allows me to live longer, I will." Doc: "Do you drink?" Man: "Yes…" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "OK doctor, but you didn’t tell me, if I do all the things you told me to do, how much longer will I live?" Doc: "You will still live for a week… but it will seem like a century.
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Every time I have pessimistic thoughts, I put a dollar in…
It’s currently half empty…
A man went into a toy store and ripped the arms off of every teddy bear in the store. Why did the judge let him go free?
He had the right to bear arms.
Luckily I was already up, playing drums.
…by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy…
It was about a week back.
Well I don't know but the Dinomite
Its a boring job
Their words, not mine.
She was able to learn how to read and write despite being from Alabama
Your eyes, cause they dilate
Because they're always behind a few bars and can't find the key.
A vicious circle.
Or do you have to spread them apart?
The husband, bewildered, says, "Why would you eat a camera!?"
He's only got little legs
Because he knew there was S'more to life
She said yes, all the others had been nines and tens
So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian.
Arse skin for a friend.
I take a lot of steps to avoid them.
Some are born with it while others have to get it pounded into them.
Unfortunately, too many of them got elected.
IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes. Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years…
…but they're having a really hard time putting their case together…
There were two white christian men, John and Mike, whose plane crashed into a desert. Luckily they survived unharmed. As they traveled through the hot desert looking for food and water, they gave up and sat down, thinking of what to do. As the dust in the air settled, they suddenly could view a mosque ahead. They became very hopeful. But then John said ''Muslims are there. They might help us if we say we are Muslim.'' Then Mike said ''No way, I won't say I'm Muslim, I'm gonna be honest''. So John and Mike went to the Mosque ahead and were greeted by an Arab Muslim, who asked what their names were. John thought of a Muslim name and said, 'My name is Muhammad'. And Mike said 'My name is Mike'. The Arab man said 'Hello Mike.' And told these other men to take Mike and give him food and drink. Then he turned to John and said, 'Salaam Muhammad. Ramadan Mubarak! (Hello Muhammad, Happy Ramadan)
It’s not a very long poem, but it’s pretty deep.