They’re out of their minds
So if you’re a good driver, watch out for women turning.
He says, "Hey, will you let me bite those big ol boobies of yours for $1,000?" Christmas was coming and decided she could use the extra cash, so she agrees. The two walk around the corner and the woman strips off her shirt and bra, exposing two of the best boobies the guy had ever seen. The guy dives right in, motorboating them like he's the captain of a ship and sucking and licking every square inch of em. About 10 minutes go by, and the somewhat frustrated lady says "Well are you gonna bite em?" The guy replies "No, because then I'd have to give you $1,000."
Mine is just a little pail in comparison.
MARIO : why Judge : it’s a fine MARIO : (sadly) no itsa not
He sat there sunbathing, for the sake of civility and to protect them from being sunburnt, he had a hat on his private parts. A women came by and smirked “If you were a gentleman you would lift your hat” He replied “If you weren’t so ugly it would lift itself” EDIT: Y’all so sensitive if the genders were reversed you would say the guy is harassing the girl
Just a hint: I didn't ask a question
The cold shoulder
A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop! Hop! Hop! When he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, “Giraffe, don’t smoke weed! Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest!”
The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed. The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run! Run! Run! Hop! Hop! Hopping along. Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep. This sheep is about to shoot up heroin. The rabbit says to the sheep, "Mr Sheep, don't do heroin! Heroin is a drug and drugs are bad for you! Come running with us through the forest!" The sheep looks at the heroin, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the heroin. The sheep tossed his needle aside and they go running through the forest together. Run! Run! Run! Hop! Hop! Hopping along. Soon they come to a clearing and in this clearing is a tiger. Now, this tiger is about to drink a can of beer. The rabbit looks at the tiger and says, "Mr Tiger, don't drink beer! Alcohol is a drug and drugs are bad for you! Come running with us through the forest!" The tiger looks at his beer, looks at the rabbit and back his beer. He takes a claw and cracks open the beer and proceeds to carefully place it down beside him. He gets up and walks over to the rabbit, lifts up a paw and starts mauling the shit out of the rabbit! The giraffe and sheep are in shock. And they scream, "Dude, what the fuck!? He was just trying to help you!" The tiger turns to them and growls, "Every time that fucking rabbit does cocaine, I end up running through the fucking forest!"
My statistics professor told us that the larger the sample size, the more reliable are your averages.
The N’s justify the means.
you might be dyslexic
A mid-life crisis
She gave me the finger. Then she ran into a cow. I tried.
I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
It makes the trunk of the car look better
He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.
When I got home, I realized I’d only picked seven up.
A man spending his first night in prison hears other inmates calling out numbers, followed by laughter.
The next day he starts talking to one of the inmates and asks about it. The inmate explains that after a few years there was no new jokes so they decided to just number all the good ones, that way they could save time in telling the joke. That night the inmates are calling out numbers again followed by great bouts of laughter. Wanting to fit in the man calls out '22'. Everything goes quiet and the man doesn't understand why. The next day he asks his new friend what went wrong, "was 22 not a funny joke?" "22 is one of the best jokes" came the reply. "Why did no one laugh then?" Said the man "It was the way you told it."
Me: No, I think they need to stay on the wall.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
The *For Biden* files.
It was all bark and no bite.
Keeps calling it a hippo potty myth
Because someone rubbed him the wrong way.
I asked my friend the baker what is the key to being successful in the business and making good bread…
I have 2020 vision.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang?”
The professor replied, “Sorry. No Time.”
Send them some spam
The doctor phones the man back shortly after and says, "You called?" The man thinks for a second, then says, "No, pretty warm, actually."
I guess we are raised differently.
At the “Chopping Maul.”
I see a lot of new faces here tonight, which is disappointing.