They’re really cutting our education short(s)

Guys I found out what the past tense of remove is.

[removed]

Hope they warmed up before those mental gymnastics.

https://ift.tt/2t3jXyH

What’s the most cryptic animal language?

Horse code

What is a wise, old priest’s favorite kitchen appliance?

The deep friar

I asked my North Korean friend, “what’s it like to live in North Korea?”

He responded, “can’t complain.”

My wife finally let me pick out the outfits this year 😎🤓

https://ift.tt/2JDJSSx

Minimum wage workers out there trying their best.

https://ift.tt/2ZsLKUS

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Aye Matey!

How do you call a mexican water hose?

A bottle of coke just fell out of the fridge onto my foot.

I’m so glad it was a soft drink

I had to break up with my midget girlfriend today.

She wouldn’t get her nose out of my business. I was nuts over her though

this is what it looks like when someone is thinking really hard on an exam!

https://ift.tt/2QKElxz

I adopted a dog that used to belong to a blacksmith.

First thing he did when I got him home was make a bolt for the door.

Does length matter? Short answer: no.

Long answer: yes.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar…

The first mathematician orders a beer The second orders half a beer "I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies "Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2 "What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous." "Oh c'mon" says mathematician #1 "do you know how hard it is to collect an infinite number of us? Just play along" "There are very strict laws on how I can serve drinks. I couldn't serve you half a beer even if I wanted to." "But that's not a problem" mathematician #3 chimes in "at the end of the joke you serve us a whole number of beers. You see, when you take the sum of a continuously halving function-" "I know how limits work" interjects the bartender "Oh, alright then. I didn't want to assume a bartender would be familiar with such advanced mathematics" "Are you kidding me?" The bartender replies, "you learn limits in like, 9th grade! What kind of mathematician thinks limits are advanced mathematics?" "HE'S ON TO US" mathematician #1 screeches Simultaneously, every mathematician opens their mouth and out pours a cloud of multicolored mosquitoes. Each mathematician is bellowing insects of a different shade. The mosquitoes form into a singular, polychromatic swarm. "FOOLS" it booms in unison, "I WILL INFECT EVERY BEING ON THIS PATHETIC PLANET WITH MALARIA" The bartender stands fearless against the technicolor hoard. "But wait" he inturrupts, thinking fast, "if you do that, politicians will use the catastrophe as an excuse to implement free healthcare. Think of how much that will hurt the taxpayers!" The mosquitoes fall silent for a brief moment. "My God, you're right. We didn't think about the economy! Very well, we will not attack this dimension. FOR THE TAXPAYERS!" and with that, they vanish. A nearby barfly stumbles over to the bartender. "How did you know that that would work?" "It's simple really" the bartender says. "I saw that the vectors formed a gradient, and therefore must be conservative."