Thicc as thieves
Dear me it appears I have imbibed alcohol in sufficient quantitiy to impair my speech
He got a little behind in his work.
He never lands.
I thought I dipped my tortilla chip into a bowl of cheese sauce, but it turned out to be honey mustard.
It was a queso mistaken identity.
They both are in the middle of water
I’m an eighth-theist
The boy says, "Me ma is dead." "Oh bejaysus," the man replies. "Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?" The boys says, "No tanks mister. Sex is the last thing on my mind at the moment."
Step 1 Step 2 Step 3 Step 6 Step 10 Step 15 Step 19 Step 23 Step 35
Always Tolkien in her sleep…
All it does is hold me back
It does have a Liverpool
He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car. Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?" I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend." He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?" I said, "No, she's a fucking optician.”
I’m so pissed off I didn’t think of that quote first.
Except the movie Up. He’s never gonna give you Up.
It got stuck in a crack
Friend: Sweetie, if you're swallowing enough to worry about it, no one will care if you're a little chubby.
“Yours is one what?”
And we’ve been married more than 27 years!
She wanted to see the task manager
The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" "We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied. "She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50…and I get $43 back from Medicare.
Because of the coffin.
Times are rough.
Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole.
I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.
…5,6,7,8 I use this hand to masturbate.
My uncle doesn't fuck around when playing Monopoly
Ask your mother
They come with that Elon Musk.
I am not poking fun at anyone for being lower income, you can tell by the picture it’s a nice home. But in my search for a home I found this house and their master “bathroom” really sold me.https://imgur.com/j1345OnPlease post all potty IT jokes
8yo cousin: To get to the idiot's house. Me (patronizingly): Oh..uh..yeah good one haha. 8yo cousin: Wanna hear another one? Knock knock Me: Who's there 8yo: The chicken.
Waist of time.