thicc eqal sign
Cheating Wives
A guy thought his wife was cheating on him. He waited for her to leave that night and jumped in a cab to follow her. By following her, he found out she was working in a whore house. The guy says to the cabbie, "Wanna make a $100?" The cabbie says, "Sure, what do I have to do?" The guy replies that all the cabbie has to do is go inside the whore house, grab his wife, put her in the back of the cab, and take them home. The cabbie goes in. A couple of minutes later, the whore house door gets kicked open, and the cabbie starts dragging out this woman who is kicking, biting, punching, and fighting all the way to the cab. The cabbie opens the door to the cab, throws the girl inside, and tells the man, "Here! Hold her!" The man looks down at the girl and yells to the cabbie, "THIS AIN'T MY WIFE!" The cabbie replied, "I KNOW. IT'S MINE… I'M GOING BACK IN FOR YOURS!"
[Warning]: 18++
19.
Having trouble understanding top heavy fractions?
Our helpline is open 24/7!
Communist jokes can be funny
But only if everyone gets them
spotted this one in a local weekly newspaper!! stoked to find one in the wild!
https://ift.tt/2K2oOVZ
An old man applies for a job as a woodcutter,
but the boss doesn't think he's fit enough. He tells the boss he is able to cut down any tree in a single swing. To prove this, he goes outside, hits a five foot tree with his axe, and it falls over. The boss is impressed. The old man then repeats this with a ten foot tree. Then a thirty foot tree. Finally, he takes his axe up to an 80 foot redwood, swings, and the giant tree comes tumbling down. The boss is amazed, and asks the man how he learned to do that. The man says "I practiced in the Sahara forest." "Don't you mean the Sahara desert?" The boss asks. "Well yes," says the old man, "that's what they call it now."
Looking for a b’day card in a card bin we have, came across this gem my mom had saved…
https://ift.tt/3aphdfm
Officer stops a man for speeding— notices he’s not wearing his required prescription glasses.
Officer says, "I have to give you a ticket for not wearing your glasses." Driver says, "But Officer, I have contacts." Officer says, "I don't care who you know, you're still getting a ticket."
What happens when you slip a chicken a dollar?
Chicken strips.
How do depressed frogs die?
They Kermit suicide.
Why does Karl Marx write in lowercase?
He hates capitalism
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
It’s gonna take me a while to get hard, I just got laid by this chick
What do you call a hen who counts her eggs?
A mathemachicken
What can’t cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose
Nobody likes my joke about paper
It's tearable
Some people like floors
but I’m more of a ceiling fan
A nice Scottish lad moves to New York.
After 6 months his mom calls him and she asks how he finds the Americans. Horrible, he says. They always yell and scream. He hates how they pound on the walls and stomp the floors. Oh pure! she says, how do you get by? I just relax in bed, playing me bagpipes, says the lad.
Today I went to a support group for premature ejaculation.
Turns out they meet tomorrow.
It’s weird how nobody knew who the Iranian general Soleimani was a few days ago…
It's like he blew up overnight.
Once there were four business men. They were sitting on a bench in a hospital waiting room because their wives were having babies.
A nurse comes over and says to the first businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had a baby." The man says, "What a coincidence! I'm the president of And1!" The nurse goes away. Then the nurse comes back and says to the second businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had twins!" The man says, "What a coincidence! I'm the owner of the Minnesota Twins!" The nurse goes away. The nurse comes back and says to the third businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had triplets!" The man says, "What a coincidence! I work for Triple Crown!" The nurse goes away. The nurse comes back and sees the fourth businessman alone on the bench crying. She asks, "Why are you crying"? The man replies, "I work for Seven Up."
Kung Fu student asks his teacher
"Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated. And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers: "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun, and their wings seeming like flames?" "Yes, my master, I have." "And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?" "Yes, my master, I have witnessed it." "And the moon… when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?" "Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon." "That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
-Sir, you have a bladder infection.
-What’s that? -Urine trouble, sir.
Fun fact you can’t breath while smiling.
Just kidding I just wanted to make you smile 🙂
Two goldfish are in a tank.
One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
Happy National Limerick Day!! Here’s the classic one for you if you didnt know it.
There once was man from Nantucket Who's dick was so long he could suck it He said with a grin, as he wiped off his chin If my ear were a cunt, I could fuck it.
I used to hate facial hair
But then it grew on me
Guy spits out his coffee and says to the waitress ” I dont mean to be rude, but this coffee tastes like dirt”
She replys: well yea, you told me to make sure it was fresh ground