This 14 month-old was helping his dad shovel in Newfoundland after yesterday’s 15-inches of snowfall - when he glitched

Why do lamps make people happy?

They bring delight. My 7-year-old son told me this at the breakfast table this morning. He is going to be a great dad one day.

Idiots is the polite description …

https://ift.tt/2XqKPFi

These days you can’t even say “blackboard” anymore.

The politically correct term is: "Jamal, get on my ship."

This meme has 5 years old; it’s been reposted to literal death and it wasn’t even initially funny.

Why do they have to over do a perfectly okay meme?

Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?

It runs in your Jeans.

My brother’s piano teacher posted this..

https://ift.tt/2PGRlEe

What do the testicles of a priest look like?

Silly question, every child knows that.

Yesterday my 7 year old son asked me

Yesterday my seven year old son asked me "where does poo come from?". I was a little bit uncomfortable but I gave him an honest explanation. Then he looked at me a little perplexed for a few seconds and then he asked "And Tigger?"

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many side glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said. After several minutes, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

Java be like

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What do a tornado, a hurricane, and a redneck divorce have in common?

Somebody's gonna lose their trailer.

“Everybody’s trying to shame us”

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Guilty as charged.

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Fauxrrari

Damn, they should meet up and fight that Lordship up.

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Lactose intolerant.

https://ift.tt/2Ud443u

So someone gave me a used glove and new one….

So I got one second hand and one first hand.

Trying to write some clean jokes about bowling balls

but they keep ending up in the gutter.

Tears of a clown

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My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her.

Instead I just swam for the surface.

I’ve never felt more prepared

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Such overkill it hurts

Soledad for the win

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Anyone?

https://ift.tt/2zKikJn

What starts with T, ends with T, and is full of T?

Teapot.

I’m pretty sure they said that about their own comment

A farmer drove over to his neighbor’s house and knocked on the door…

A boy, about 9, opened the door. “Is your mom or dad home?” The farmer asked the boy “No, they went in to town.” The boy replied “Well, how about your brother Howard?” The farmer asked “No, he went with mom and dad.” The boy said The farmer stood there for a minute shifting from one foot to another and mumbling when the boy says “I know where the tools are if you need to borrow one or I could give my dad a message for you.” “Well,” The farmer said uncomfortably “I wanted to talk to your dad about your brother Howard getting my daughter pregnant.” The boy thought for a moment then said “You’ll have to talk to my dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bulls and $150 for the pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard.”

I’ll never forget my granddad’s last words to me just before he died…

“Are you still holding the ladder!?”

A husband and wife are doing a crossword puzzle.

Husband: Programs for mobile devices. 4 letters Wife: Apps Husband: Adolescent, 4 letters Wife: Teen Husband: Contraction meaning failed to perform, 5 letters Wife: Didn't Husband: Take a life, 4 letters Wife: Kill Husband: Religious songs, 5 letters Wife: Hymns Husband: Santa's little helper, 3 letters Wife: Elf