That girl dressed up as my professor, she barely covered anything important.
And that's a stereo type.
The experience was jarring.
It's in case they have to draw blood…
so I just came in my pants.
All white, all white, all white.
A photon checks into a hotel. – Do you need help with your luggage, sir? – No, i'm travelling light.
Because then it'd be a foot!
Me: "Well, you said my account should have a new balance. ;)"
The CIA, the FBI and the KGB argue about who’s the best at catching criminals. The Secretary General of the UN decides to test them. He releases a rabbit into the woods and each of the divisions has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits don’t exist. The FBI goes in next. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest to the ground, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. That rabbit had it coming. The KGB goes in last. They come out a few hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is screaming: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
It's your Yelp score
A private tutor.
Sorry! I meant to post this somewhere else…
Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia.
It's nice to have some company
Boob: I give milk to new born babies and I’m attractive to the opposite sex, that’s why I’m the greatest. Vagina: I give birth to babies and I accommodate the opposite sex, that’s why I’m the greatest. Now it's your turn to speak.
Her: It’s Hume. Me: Sorry, whom is your favorite philosopher?
It’s his worst fear – hare loss.
As he was finishing eating, she asked "Hey, mister, you wanna box for the rest of your pizza?"
To cheer myself up I bought a puppy.
But when it happens no one is shocked.
She got a full sentence.
A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you. Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl? Doctor: Denise. Woman: Well this isn't so bad, and what did he call the boy? Doctor: Denephew.
Unfortunately, too many of them got elected…
The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.
"No, I only drink when someone else is paying."
He wants to become a web designer.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
Because if they had 4 they'd be called chicken sedans.