She knew how to carry The One
It's because they are ice-o-lated.
The librarian points him towards the non-friction section.
Authorities didn't press charges, saying "they felt bad" They thought a long sentence was the last thing he needed
So I just came in my pants
We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It’s very rewarding, but quite challenging.
Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar. I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well…until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones…and picked the worst possible one to start with. Here's the joke I told: "What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath? Throw your washing (laundry if you're American) in." One of the new friends instantly became enraged and swung for me. When I asked him what the hell his problem was he replied that his younger brother was epileptic and died in the bath many years ago. Obviously I felt mortified as I didn't know about it, and said "I'm so sorry to hear that. Did he drown?" "No," replied the guy. "He choked on a sock."
Is it The same shit different day?
Because he felt empty inside
The first says: “Windy isn’t it?” The second says: “Wednesday? Isn’t it Thursday?” The third says: “Thirsty? Let’s order some drinks!”
It ended poorly.
With a pumpkin patch!
It really came out of the purple
He ate it before it was cool. 🤦🏻♂️
Nothing, they're already stuffed…
They’re just waiting their turn.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
The kids are taking it pretty badly
I said, "Sometimes I pull it down over my face and pretend it's a balaclava."
"No, he doesn't like to be disturbed at work".
really makes me consider the fusillity of life.