This Christmas I found a new way to disappoint my wife
Me: "Why?" Bouncer: "I have no idea who you are and this is my trampoline."
I mean you either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck into infinite loop of “go ask your mom”.
…so when someone asks what your password is, just tell them it’s: 12345678.
Doctor : i had to remove your colon. Me why
You bring out a monitor stand for $1000.
I said to the foreman, “That sure is a big rock!” “Boulder,” he corrected me. So I stuck out my chest and shouted, “THAT SURE IS A BIG ROCK!!”
WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, A WOMAN. SHE’S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HER UNMENTIONABLES. SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 8+ IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH IT. IT'S SUPER SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON.
No, wait, she's back. She was just making a cup of tea.
But you probably Reddit
He gave me a blank stair.
No text found
In his will, he entrusted $50,000 in cash to each of his closest advisers: his accountant, his doctor, and his lawyer. In his will, he instructed that each of them was to put all of the money into an envelope and place it into his coffin at his funeral, so he could have his money even after death. On the day of the funeral, each of his advisers came with a large envelope and each, in turn, placed it in the wealthy man's open casket. At the end of the funeral, when the man was buried, each of the advisers walked away from the cemetary together. The accountant said to the other two "I must confess, I didn't put all of the money in. I kept $10,000 for myself and only put in $40,000." The doctor responded "I should be honest too. I kept $20,000 for myself and only put in $30,000." The lawyer looked at the other two with disdain and said "I'm ashamed of both of you. Our client instructed us to put in $50,000 each into his casket, and I'll have you know I put in a check for the full amount!"
Then they call me ugly and poor.
My drone's been flying about there all morning no problem.
That would be soda pressing.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Control freak. Control fr- Okay, now you say "Control freak who?"
I guess that's what I get for buying a pure-bread.