This explains a lot
I went to an auction today where they were selling a cheese grater once owned by both Hitler and Osama Bin Laden.
It was the grater of two evils.
A woman was in bed with 3 men when her husband came home.
One of them hid in the closet, the second one went under the bed, and the third one went to the balcony. After a while, the one under the bed came out and said: "OK, madam, your bed is fixed now." She told her husband that she called this guy to repair one of the legs of the bed. The husband thanks him and gives him money. Later, the one in the closet steps out and says "Now, your drawers are working properly." The husband thanks him too and gives him money. The one in the balcony, who saw everything but did not hear anything, came out with great excitement and said: "I fucked her too."
I don’t often tell dad jokes
But when I do, he usually laughs
To be frank.
I’d have to legally change my name.
I complained to my wife about our sexless marriage
Zero fucks were given.
Halfway thru this sprint and team finds out last epic’s output ain’t functioning
https://ift.tt/2K4tudp
![[Meme] U$MLE giving up their money maker for the next 12-18 months](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/ui6m0lx6s7151-400x393.jpg)
Humans can atmost grow upto 8 feet
But usually most of them have 2
A 3-month pregnant woman into a deep coma. 6 months later, she awakens and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they’re fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you. Woman: Oh, no! Not my brother! He’s an idiot! What did he name the girl? Doctor: Denise. Woman: Oh, well that’s not so bad. What did he name the boy? Doctor: Denephew.
As an introverted entrepreneur in the coal industry…
I mined my own business.
I hope death is a woman….
Then I know it will never come for me
A dumb kid walks into an ice cream shop…
Kid: “I’ll have a scoop of vanilla and a scoop of chocolate please.” Clerk: “Sorry kid, we're out of chocolate.” Kid: “OK. Make it a scoop of strawberry and a scoop of chocolate.” Clerk: “No, no, you don't understand, it’s chocolate we're out of,” Kid: “Ah, OK. Then gimme a scoop of raspberry, and a scoop of chocolate.” Clerk: “Listen kid, can you spell the VAN in vanilla?” Kid: “Sure! V-A-N.” Clerk: “Can you spell the STRAW in strawberry?” Kid: “Sure! S-T-R-A-W! Clerk: “Can you spell the FUCK in chocolate?” Kid: “There is no FUCK in chocolate!” Clerk: “THAT’S what I’m trying to tell you.”
I’m not very good at dad jokes, but here goes nothing
No text found
What’s the last thing they do to a Tickle-Me-Elmo Doll before it leaves the factory?
They give it two test tickles.
Set you Wifi password to 244466666
So you can say the password is 123456.
This is definitely something my dad would say
https://ift.tt/36v2CNJ
Turned up late to a cannibal lunch…
Got the cold shoulder 🙁
I’ve dedicated my whole life to finding a cure for insomnia.
I won’t rest until I find it.
I was going to make a joke about my spine, but I think it was a repost. Did anyone see it here earlier?
It was about a weak back.
I met a girl with 12 nipples..
Sounds funny, dozen tit?
After two weeks of trying, my wife just told me she was pregnant.
She has the world worst stutter.
How did Darth Vader know Santa had arrived?
He could sense his presents.
Is the Viagra I’ve been sold fake?
As it stands, no.
I know a film director that only hires overweight actors and actresses, even if they’re terrible.
I think it's flabbercasting.
cries in toshiba hdd
Hey babe are you a mechanical hard drive because you have an average response time of 2 years.
There’s a new razor designed for dyslexics…
It's the best thing since sliced beard…
What should you do when its cold?
stand in the corner, because its 90 degrees there
I book a doctor’s appointment.
I don't know why he couldn't just do it himself.
I recently visited a pickle factory
The experience was jarring.
The secret service isn’t allowed to yell “Get down!” anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell, “Donald, duck!”
What do you call a crossword puzzle that only has bad words in it?
A cross word puzzle.
Why did the vegan cross the road?
To tell someone they're vegan.
What did the sun bring to eat at the beach?
A light snack
