This got me permabanned from r/SmashingPumpkins
And it’s fu*king discussing
God rest their soles.
I can't put it down
It becomes a laughing stock. You better upvote this because… It’s Humerus.
We were able to lift his coffin.
A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!”
…just because I was the first person to discover a new crack I the earth's crust, everybody was acting like it's my fault.
It’s where I flip your MOM over.
But cocaine is where I draw the line.
He was actually fired
From the well, actually.
MY CAPS LOCKED
If it is, I don't get it
Because they always have a hunch.
Turns out he was just playing peek-a-boo ICU
We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. He wants to be a web developer.
Me: Well, they were separated at birth.
I'm a WATT?? Sorry stole it from a pornhub comment made me laugh
I dunno water you drinking?
I would call them missile toes. Have a Merry Christmas and happy holidays!
We’re trying a new technique. We don’t know where this message will end up in your dream, but we’re hoping we got through PLEASE WAKE UP
You would go to prison and they would make a documentary about you. You sick fuck
To beat the crowds.
It was a Stark realization.
The polar bear.
“This is exciting!” the guy thought. “I’ve always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I’ll be able to see him in person.” Suddenly, the man realized his seat was right next to the Pope! In the beginning, the gentleman was too shy to speak to His Holiness. Shortly after take-off, the Pope took a crossword puzzle out of his carry on bag and began writing in the answers. "This is fantastic!” the gentleman mused. “I’m really good at crosswords!” It crossed his mind that if the Pope got stuck, he’d ask him for assistance. Almost as if providence struck, the Pope turned to the man and said, “Excuse me, but do you know a four-letter word referring to a woman that ends in ‘unt’?” The three Cardinals behind, in front of, and beside him shrunk down in their seats, as far as possible, all looking for something on the floor. The gentleman was in morbid shock. He couldn’t breathe. He thought within himself, thought deeper, longer for a plausible answer and after almost a minute, the dark clouds of evil parted in his mind and the sun shone in. Turning to the Pope, the gentleman said with reverence and politeness, “I believe, Your Holiness, that you’re looking for the word, 'aunt’.” “Of course!” the Pope mused, not taking his gaze off the crossword. “You wouldn’t happen to have an eraser, would you?”
She kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink, as he sat alone at a nearby table. The husband asks: “do you know him?” “Yes”, she sighed. “He’s my old boyfriend. I understand he started drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and i hear he hasn’t been sober since.” “My god!”, says her husband. “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”
When will I get adult super vision?
As I was wiping my shoe, I watched another guy also step in it. I said to him "I just did that". He walked over, punched me in the face and screamed, "You disgusting bastard!".
I have recently been diagnosed with color blindness. It really came out of the purple. Don’t hurt me.
No text found
I'm not joking, but he is.
He couldn't keep it 100 with me.
It was here a minute ago Edit : fixed the spelling
The Finnish line