This guy id a gold mine
But the ground was cracking up.
You would think “R,” but it’s actually the “C.”
In self-defense the man says, “Who told you that drinking is bad?” Nun : "Mother Superior told me." Man : "So, have you ever tried it?" Nun : "No, I haven’t ever taken a drink of hard liquor." Man : "Well, don’t criticize me if you haven’t tried it. I’ll tell you what if you try it and don’t like it, I’ll give up drinking for life." Nun : "Okay but bring it in a tea cup. I don’t want people thinking I’m drinking." The man goes up to the bartender and says, “Bring me a couple of shots of vodka but bring one of them in a tea cup.” The bartender looked at the man and said, “Is that nun in here again?”
One is a superhero, the other is a command.
French guy, showing off his yacht collection: This is Un. Here is Deux, Trois, Quatre and, finally, Six.
Her: Where is the 5th? French guy: Cinq.
Because they make up literally everything.
I told my son people keep accidentally pleading for me to purchase meat for them. He asked, “By mistake?”
I shouted, “Oh come on! Not you too!”
Congratulations, you can now say razor blades in Australian.
Your vacuum has been gathering dirt on you for years!
Well, done done done, done da done, done da done
Because he was on quack
If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it floats…
No text found
Mom: You sure about this? I think you deserve better. Me: But mom, I love her so much! Mom: I'm talking to her.
"I am too, but it's ok, I've been fat my whole life"
No text found
The German replies "Nein, just one."
There were a lot of red flags.
Guess who came crawling back?
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Every time I have pessimistic thoughts, I put a dollar in…
It’s currently half empty…