He said: "Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"
Lawyer: "A woman shot her husband because he stepped on her freshly mopped floor." Officer: "That is correct." Lawyer: "Officer, can you explain why it took you 20 minutes to arrest the woman once you got there?" Officer: "The floor was still wet."
The closer you get to the butt the more intense the flavor.
Im ok though, it was a soft drink
Ah well..back to it I suppose
He said Dad why don’t you use a sponge like the other dads?
A platonic solid
She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. "Go and get help!" he cried. "But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!" "Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself." Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!" The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do…he's in too far."
Me: Why doc? Is there something wrong? Doctor: Its making me really uncomfortable
So when people ask me ‘are you fucking insane?’ I’ll say no, I’m fucking my sister.
But I’m 22 to say it
Probably because it's a Dell
You have my word.
I met this sexy girl in a club tonight and told her she reminded me of my little toe. Giggling, she asked, “Why?! Is it because I’m small and cute!?”
"No…" I said. "It's because later, I'm gonna bang you hard on my coffee table."
I Hershey kisses good too
I saw a cannibal at the nursing home the other day, he was walking around making fun of all the residents. I realized then that I actually had something in common with him.
I too find vegetables to be tastier if I roast them first.
Professor told dirty jokes in class and the women wanted to protest it. So they decided that in the next time that the professor will start with these kinds of jokes,they all will leave the class as a protest. Somehow the professor heard about the protest. In the next lecture,in the beginning of the lecture he said : "in Sweden a prostitute makes $2000 per night." All the women stood up and started to leave the class. So he shouted after them : "Where are you going? The plane to Sweden doesn't take off until the afternoon. "
and a woman asks him if she can say a word. He says okay and she stands up, saying ‘Plethora’. The man replies, ‘Thanks, that means a lot’.
…he went downhill very quickly after that.
But I got fired for taking a couple of days off.
But I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
The rotation of the earth
But then I got married.
Most of the main characters came out of the closet
I’m going to put my glasses on…
March fourth! (I told this to my coworkers and none of them appreciated my sense of humor)
I was Gherkin off