This is a total abomination
Did you hear the one about Oedipus and Midas?
It was motherfucking gold.
What do snowmen call their kids?
Chill-dren
Three men in a boat with three cigarettes but no matches, how do they smoke?
They throw one cigarette overboard and make the boat a cigarette lighter. (heard in the Adam West Batman series)
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie.
A girl told me her pussy tasted like a rainbow
Found out she meant trout, not Skittles
What did 2 tell 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Don’t worry about him. He’s just a product of our times.
Never fight a dinosaur,
You'll just get jurass-kicked.
Are people born with a photographic memory?
Or does it take time to develop?
What’s it mean when you have a song stuck in your head?
You have a one-track mind.
The pub was pretty wild last night,
Some lady got her nipple pierced. And I got banned from playing darts.
Why isn’t PI fun at parties?
He just goes on forever
Why was my post removed
Can someone from admin please explain to me why my post was removed? I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over.
What kind of music does a balloon liseten to?
Pop! Also this is my first joke, so sorry if someone has made it before but I haven't seen it yet
I wanna give a shout out to my fingers…
…I can always count on them!
Studies say obesity is the main cause of erectile dysfunction
Time to get joggin’ ladies
I’ve tried to use the word “mucho” when speaking with my Hispanic friends.
It really means a lot to them.
Babies Drinking beer. So funny!!! If your baby didn’t drink beer then YOU’RE A SISSY
https://ift.tt/3cqErSG
It takes guts
To be an organ donor
What do the twin towers and gender have in common?
There used to be 2 of them and now it’s a touchy subject
nooo you cant just increase released energy exponentially! Haha neutron printer go brrrr
https://ift.tt/36N0wJG
If “womb” is pronounced “woom”, “tomb” is pronounced “toom” then shouldn’t “bomb” be pronounced
"BOOM" I hope that blew your minds Edit: Due to popular opinion "Well, this post blew up". And thanks to the anonymous person who gave me my first award ever!
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
GLOVES! Nah, just kidding… He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
What is 5Q + 5Q?
You're welcome.
Rolled my first joint last night.
God my ankle hurts this morning.
My 10 year old came in with a piece of paper and said “Dad, I’ve got a joke for you.”
Then she ripped it in half and said, “Never mind, it’s tearable.” I feel like I’ve succeeded as a dad.
Yes i masturbate fully naked
if you dont like it, go to another starbucks
Republicans must be flipping their shit over this blatant nepotism within our government!
https://ift.tt/37vjKDx
What did the the dog do when he lost his tail?
He went to the retail store