This is an oldie, but it’s even more relevant now.
Me: Can I have a turn in the hedge now?
Hedgehog: No
I used to be scared of pretty girls,
So my Mom explained that was silly, because they're much more scared of me.
A lady dies and goes to heaven and is standing in front of God…
" there is one thing I've always wanted to know" "Ok, ask away," God said. " Do vaccines cause autism?" she asked " The truth is no, vaccines have nothing to do with autism", admitted god. The women shakes her head and says " They got to you too, this thing really goes high up".
My neighbor shingled my roof for free
He said it was on the house
What do you call a hippies wife?
Mississippi.
A nurse, a doctor, and an anti-vaxxer walked into a bar.
A nurse, a doctor, and an anti-vaxxer walk into a bar. The nurse sits down and says, “I’ll have a shot of tequila!” The doctor sits next to her and says, “Give me a shot of whiskey!” The bartender turns to the anti-vaxxer, "and what are you having?". The anti-vaxxer responds, "no shots for me", then dies from polio.
What color is the wind??
Blew!
I don’t understand the opposition to same sex marriage.
Isn't the whole point of marriage to have the same sex for the rest of your life?
What do you call a hippie’s wife?
Mississippi
What did the chef say when he got hit with the seasoning?
Hey! That's a salt!
![Hi Welcome to Cher (Chili’s) Vine [20 views]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/no_image_card-63-400x247.png)
How to tell the gender of an ant?
If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it floats…
What does the marxman put in his gun?
Communition!
In college, I lived in a houseboat and started dating the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
I just saw a guy selling beef from the top of a ladder…
The steaks couldn't be higher.
What is the strongest and longest rope in the whole world?
It's Europe. So long and also strong that it is binding all the EU countries.
What do you call a tire in a tuxedo?
Formalatire.
I pushed a chinese person down a flight of stairs
It was wong on so many levels
Where do crayons go for vacation?
Colorado. (My 8 year old just made it up)
Time flies like an arrow, and fruit flies like a banana
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They should make a film series about a guy who uses candles as weapons.
Call it John Wick.
I got my wife a prosthetic leg for Christmas…
It’s not her main present, just a stocking filler
If you think climate change is bad now wait until our aerosol hairspray usage goes up 5000%
https://ift.tt/2Qaa2Qp
That awkward moment when you tell a chemistry joke, and get no reaction.
I guess all the good chemistry puns argon.
My girlfriend changed a lot after she became vegan.
Its like I've never seen herbivore.
Please never ask me if something is electric
Because I only have one response and it's "boogie oogie oogie".
I pinned a Rolex to the post just outside my house
It's the neighborhood watch.
My friend said “What rhymes with orange.”
I said no it doesn't.
