This is Deep
And conversely, you should never scissor with the runs.
…with his crew. The usual gaggle of young Turks waits in the wings, hoping to get noticed, hoping to move up. The Godfather calls one of them over. “Jimmy, I hear good things about you. They tell me you’re serious, that you can be trusted.” Jimmy swells with pride. “I got a job I need you to do for me” “Anything you need, Godfather. Just tell me what to do.” “I want you to go back to the john, and I want you to whack off.” Jimmy’s silent for a moment. “Um… excuse me, Godfather, I coulda sworn you just told me to—“ The Godfather holds up his hand, silencing him. “Jimmy, it’s for the family.” Jimmy snaps to attention. “Got it, Godfather. For the family.” Whereupon he goes back to the bathroom. A few minutes later, he comes out, throws up his arms in a Victory salute and cries, “Mission accomplished.” Then he goes back over to The Godfather. “So, Godfather, is there anything else I can do for you?” The Godfather says, “You’re a good boy, Jimmy. I like your style.” Then he says, “Do it again.” “WHAAA—!” Jimmy starts to protest. But The Godfather cuts him short with, “Jimmy, it’s for the family.” Jimmy says, albeit dubiously, “Ok, Godfather. Whatever you say.” This time he’s gone for a bit longer. When he comes out, he’s nowhere near as enthusiastic. Still, he goes back to The Godfather and reluctantly asks, “Is there…um… you got anything else, Godfather?” The old man just stares at him, a slight smile at the corners of his mouth. Slowly, Jimmy gets the message. “Oh nooo…” The Godfather holds up one finger. “One more time, Jimmy.” This time, he’s in the John a lot longer. When he comes out, a layer of sweat coats his pasty skin. His eyes have a glassy look. He says to The Godfather in desperation, “Godfather, this thing you have asked of me: I’ve given it my all. I swear to you, Godfather, I have given everything I’ve got. There is nothing left to give.” “Take it easy, Jimmy. You done good. I got something else I want you to do.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a set of keys and hands them to Jimmy. “Here’s the keys to my car. I want you to drive out to the airport and pick up my daughter.”
Because they're really good at it.
To get some fresh beets.
Because he can neverland.
My wife has been taking it really, really hard.
My daughter, Chewbacca, not so much
1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, ME, XP, Vista, 7, 8,10.
…probably explains why her marriage collapsed
Son: I’m really gonna miss you, Dad. The dad, with his dying breath, utters, “Hi Really Gonna Miss You, I’m Dad.” A single tear rolls down the son’s cheek
Beer nuts are $1.30 deer nuts are under a buck
Oh sorry, Havarti told you this one?
I strained my voice.
The horse replies "You read my mind buddy!"
Before you ask her out, she is both single and taken
The salesgirl shows him several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price — the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him. Upstairs the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself." She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, "Good Lord! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!"
…but all the seats were already taken.
A boy in Brooklyn is outside of a candy shop shoveling candy in his mouth. A man approaches the boy and says, “Don’t eat candy, kid. It’s not good for you.”
The boy replied, "My grandfather lived until he was 97." "Really," said the man. "Did he eat a lot of candy, too?" The boy replied, "No, but he minded his own fucking business."
That's pretty sad considering that I loved her to the core.
Dad: "'Yes' or 'no'."
As he was finishing eating, she asked "Hey, mister, you wanna box for the rest of your pizza?"
He uses them to trim his mustache.
A compliment in America. An argument in the Middle East.
Remains to be seen