This is getting out of hand! Now there are two of them!
When a bullet kills someone else, you know it’s been fired
Only two: One to promise a bright future and another one to screw it up.
The correct answer was blood vessels.
She said it rang a bell but wasn't sure if it was there or not.
A man was very sick. Doctors feared the worst. He is at home one day, resting in his bed. He looks up and says, “Is my wife here?” His wife replies, “Yes, dear, I’m here, next to you.” The man goes, “Are my children here?” “Yes, Daddy, we are all here,” say the children.
"Are my other relatives also here?" And they say, "Yes, we are all here…" The man sits up and says, "Then why in the world is the light on in the kitchen?"
they're so full of themselves.
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness
Igor responds, "I'm not sure, but I have a hunch."
That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning
I think that something scary is about to happen, I can feel it.
Well I've got two night stands and a double bed
Everyday I tell the wife I’m gonna do a few miles around the neighborhood for exercise. And I never do lol.
It’s a running joke I have
Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.
that's the spirit.
Ones a heated yam, and the other’s a yeeted ham.
Gravity: notices your buldge Proto star: Blushes
Outlaws are wanted.
Friend- "That's not true, there is no such law anywhere in middle east". Me- "Yeah, but you need to be above 13 to use Facebook".
they don't know how to spell congrajlashins.
I told them it was because they came out of the closet
After a preacher died and went to heaven, he noticed a New York cab driver had been awarded a higher place than he.
“I don’t understand,” he complained to God. “I devoted my entire life to my congregation.” God explained to him, “Our policy here in heaven is to reward results. Now, was your congregation well attuned to you whenever you gave a sermon?” “Well,” the minister had to admit, “some in the congregation fell asleep from time to time.” “Exactly,” said God, “and when people rode in this man’s taxi, they not only stayed awake, they even prayed.”
And only a handful of cases of herpes were Clinton's fault.
They'll kill your dog
I mean how low can you go
Because hearing someone else groan means you are doing a good job.
I mean how low can you go!?
It's not me, iReddit somewhere.
Picking his nose!
Me: why Dad: so we can start the new year on the right foot! Me: why are you the way that you are