It's ridiculous and unfair. Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country.
He said, "Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
Before the crowbar was invented, most crows drank at home.
Cop: You are the lawyer. Lawyer: Exactly, so where’s my present?
They sometimes get elected.
I feel sublime!
I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
She said, “It’s driving me up the wall.”
No wait, she’s back She just went to make a cup of coffee
No text found
Officer: It was a moving violation
I can't tell you how much this award means to me.
Guy: You're the most average girl here Girl: You're so mean Guy: No, you are
Judge: Repeat infractions? Man: Fine. 3/5 of my parking tickets are bogus!
It was the least I could do to help.
"I want to open a fuckin' checking account" To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?" "Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fuckin' checking account right now." "Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!" The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation. They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?" "There's no damn problem," the man said, "I just won 50 million in the lottery and I want to open a fuckin' checking account in this damn bank!" "I see sir," the manager said, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"
“Well,” he began, “my main weakness would definitely be my issues with reality—telling what’s real from what’s not.” “Okay,” said the interviewer. “And what about your strengths?” “I’m Batman.”
It means a lot to him
Then you’ll get a, “Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis!"
Because they can't break the ice.
Normally i don’t go because I’m poor
"Thanks Grandpa!" "Why did you call me Grandpa?" "Because I couldn't find it yesterday."
Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same. The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr Independent and isists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair’s getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TIRES!!!
"I Still Love Easter BABY!"
He lets a little scream out and look at his father, dumbfounded. "Don't be shocked, son. Everybody does this. Soon, you will do it too." "But… Why, daddy?" "Because my hands are starting to ache"