This is it.
Boobs are like the sun
You can only stare at them for a few seconds . But if you put sunglasses on, you can stare at them all you want.
3 Condoms – NSFW
Guy goes to the pharmacy to buy a condom. His girlfriend told him she would not have sex with him unless he first met her family and has dinner with them. Pharmacist at counter: " just one condom? You sure?" Guy: "actually, my girlfriend's sister is pretty hot…lets make it two condoms." Pharmacist: "just two then? That's it?" Guy: "let's make it three. The mom is really hot too." That night he goes to dinner and her whole family is there. He sits at the table not saying a word, his face red as a tomato. His girlfriend takes him in the bedroom after they eat. Girlfriend: "what's wrong with you? You didn't say a word all night. Did something happen?" Guy: "no, I just didn't know your dad worked at the pharmacy."
Where do little jokes come from?
Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke at a bar and then they knock knock.
I had to get a loan to pay for an exorcism.
They said if I didn’t pay it back on time I’d get repossessed.
I found out that my Toaster wasn’t waterproof…
I was in complete Shock.
A man in an interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present!” The cop growls, “You ARE the lawyer!”
The lawyer shrieks, "Exactly! So where’s my present?!"
What do you call a ship captain with a big booty?
"Thicc" with seven C's.
How do you get a philosophy major off of your front porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
Coronavirus update: Everyone at John Lennon airport has been quarantined.
Imagine all the people
I’m reading a horror book in Braille.
Something bad is going to happen. I can feel it.
When I was a child I had many imaginary friends.
They were real people… I just imagined they were my friends.
As I suspected, someone’s been adding soil to my garden
The plot thickens
(In honor of my cake day, the one that makes my kids groan the most) When I die, I want to go like my grandfather: in my sleep.
Not yelling and screaming like all the other people in the car he was driving at the time.
What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?
Re-morse code
spotted this one in a local weekly newspaper!! stoked to find one in the wild!
https://ift.tt/2K2oOVZ
“Dad, whose music did you listen to when growing up?”
Dad: Led Zeppelin. Son: Who? Dad: Yes. They were good too.
A tourist visits an Indian reservation…
…where he finds an old chief who claims that he remembers everything that has ever happened in his life. The tourist is curious and asks the chief "What did you have for breakfast on your 5th birthday?" Without hesitation the chief replies "eggs". Impressed, he continues his vacation and returns home. Ten years later, he returns to the reservation and is surprised to see the same old chief again. He approaches the chief, puts his hand up flat and greets him with "how". The old chief simply replies "scrambled".
I told my dad I just met someone with one eye named john.
My dad…what was his other eye called?
My Communist girlfriend is a real psycho….
How in the world did I miss all the red flags?
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Browsing reddit on mobile? Place your device on your body.
r/dadjokes on you!
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
16 sodium atoms walk into a bar…
Followed by Batman.
My girlfriend just admitted she was having an affair with our teacher.
I don't know what's worse, that I'm being cheated on or the fact we're both homeschooled.
