This is just awful
…when Superman flies by and sees her. Her naked body has him feeling all types of ways, so he starts to think, "You know, I'm faster than a speeding bullet. I could be in and out of there before she even realizes what happened." So, Superman flies in, does his business and takes off. Wonder Woman says, "What was that?" The Invisible Man responds, "I don't know, but my fucking ass is killing me."
I’m clean now.
It’s a trap!
And i took that shit to the next level
So I packed up my stuff and right.
They've got plenty of wheelpower.
…. Nobody knows.
Mostly because his name is Steve
They fall when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
Its called the Groaner virus
I think I'm infected with Mall-Wear
Unless you're ready to handle those reaper cushions.
Especially because his name’s Steve.
My brother pulled out some measuring tape, asked me to hold one end as he held the other end and walked towards the oven. "…. about 12 feet." 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 bro is basically a certified dad now
First, I bought one apple for a dollar with my savings. Then I went out on the street and sold it there for two dollars. With the two dollars I bought two apples for 1$ each and again sold them for 2 dollars each. Now I had 4 dollars and was able to buy 4 apples, which, you may have guessed, I sold for 2 dollars each. Now I had 8 dollars and I bought 8 apples and so on and so on… A few days later my aunt died and I inherited her assets.
You can say… I solved the case.
Cop: Did you know you have a dead cat in your trunk? Schrodinger: I do now.
They never meat.
But when i got out of prison, it was totally worth it
It's okay, the teacher woke him up!
If you look up the word "flabby".
Luckily I happened to be up practicing my trumpet
Just look for the fresh prints.
I didnt want to be caught money laundering
Doesn’t matter, as long as it’s hearty.
"We've come to inspect your house for drugs!" they shouted. I said, "Fuck off. Get your own."
But some people eat that shit up.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
A pimple waits til you’re twelve to come on your face.
Patient: “OK.” Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”
It was a hard drive.
Son: what's in that fancy beer mug on the mantel? Me: Well that's your uncle frank. That's where he wanted his remains. It was his favorite beer Stein. He always said it would be funny. Never got why. Son: Maybe it's so he could be frank in stein? Me: That SON OF A BITCH
Yeah, there is a small medium at large.
Officer: I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been in a horrible car accident Husband: But she has a great personality.
I’ve had a stiff neck all day
Because he had a lot of trans sisters
Should I be worried, or is it just a phrase?
Well the jokes on them – they’re imaginary too.