This is like the equivalent of a boomer joke
My wife asked me if I thought our kids were spoiled
I said "No, I think all kids smell like that"
It seems like every Thanksgiving I end up eating leftovers for weeks afterwards…
Not this year though – I'm quitting cold turkey…
I was in a mosh pit with a load of Muslims.
It was Khanage.
What do you call a flower getting a sex change?
A Transplant
Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me if I wanted to watch a movie. She said, “What would you like to see?”
I said, “You pick.” She said, “You pick.” I said, “I don’t care. You pick.” She said, “Sir, there are people in line behind you waiting to buy tickets.”
I went on a date with a blonde woman last night.
"Do you have any kids?" she asked. "Yes," I replied. "I have one child that's just under two." She said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is."
I was asked to name all the US Presidents yesterday.
Didn't they already have names?
![[OC] When you try to lend a helping hand ✨](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/5q9risxe0sr41-400x400.jpg)
A new strain of lice is going around that is resistant to conventional treatments.
That has left scientists scratching their heads.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek. Einstein is counting. Pascal runs and hides, but Newton just draws a square and sit down. Einstein opens his eyes and exclaims, “Newton, I’ve found you!”
Newton replies, "No, you found Newton over a square meter. You've found Pascal!"
Why does a chicken coup have only 2 doors
If it had 4 doors, it would be a chicken sedan. Ok, I'm leaving …..
I was mugged by 6 dwarves last night
Not Happy
I got the words “jacuzzi” and ” yakuza” confused.
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia
I’m developing a new fragrance for introverts:
Leave me the fuck cologne.
Elephants have been defamed and maligned with this disgraceful association for far too long
https://ift.tt/2RKmreA
I saw a red pimple and a green pimple holding hands.
I guess oppozits attract
What is the least spoken language in the world?
Sign Language
So, Jehovah’s witnesses don’t celebrate Halloween.
I guess they don't appreciate random people coming to their door.
Why is dark spelled with a k, and not a c?
Because you can’t see in the dark. Courtesy of my 14 year old this evening.
What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
DAD: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? SON: Envelope.
What do Japanese cannibals eat?
Raw men
We’ll we’ll we’ll…
if it isn't autocorrect?
What do you call a rectangle that got into an accident?
… a wrecked angle.
A cop pulled me over and told me “Papers”
So I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.
A guy with flame tattoo sleeves walks into a building.
Security stops him and says there are no firearms allowed in this building.
It shouldn’t be surprising our first black president was elected prior to Trump
It's always darkest before Don
