This is me definitely
It was an autobiography…
What do you call a bunch of monkeys all mixed up? An Orangatangle!
It took half a century but Hippies finally won.
The big ones at the end of the wing. These feathers are called pinion feathers. A crow has sixteen. So, the difference between a crow and a raven is only a matter of a pinion.
Then you’ll get a, “Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis!"
A husband says to his wife: "Darling, I have to tell you something" Wife replies: "What?" Husband: "I don't know how to say this" Wife: "What?" Husband: "I don't even know if I should tell you" Wife: "What?" Husband: "You're completely deaf" Wife: "What?"
This is the donning of the "h" of Ahquarius.
But it’s harder to deter gents
I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator. Edit: Thanks for the gold (career first) :0
…but I am 22 to say it
It was a manslaughter.
I told her we use names now.
2B or not 2B
The psychiatrist says "Well I can clearly see your nuts"
Girl: Hehe sure baby Boy: Sweet! Grab the other end, I can't carry it by myself
Me: who’s this guy? Grandpa: he’s my hip replacement
God my ankle hurts this morning.
After we broke up, she went fucking bananas.
It was harder to deter gents.
As a part of their job, executioners are not allowed to high five their victims before executing them.
It’s their job to leave them hanging.
His sails went through the roof
The difference is staggering.
So they throw one cigarette off board, and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter
but none of them work.
A clitoris only tastes like piss for a second.
she fell onto the floor. She popped right back up on the bed and yelled, "FIVE SECOND RULE!"
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows: Hamburger – 2.99 Cheeseburger – 3.99 Chicken Sandwich – 4.99 Hand Jobs – 19.99 The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, busty, beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a sexy little smile. The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger
they are a non-prophet organization
Then does having sex for free make you a non-profit whoreganisation?
He's dead now though.
That's just how I roll.
Son up to son down.
Beethoven's final movement
The bartender asks them: "Do all three of you want beer?" The first one said: "I don't know." The second also said: "I don't know." The third one said: "Yes."
The brunette opens her lunchbox and sighs:"My husband is so kind, he prepares my lunch every day but… Again a tuna sandwich?" The readhead opens hers and sighs too:"Crap, tuna sandwich for me too… Again!" The blonde opens hers and goes:"Guess what? I got the same too…" The next day, they have lunch together and again they eat tuna sandwiches. And the next day again, and again and again, till when the brunette girl can't take it anymore and says: "That's it! If I have to eat a tuna sandwich one more time I swear I throw myself out of the window!" The other two agree. She opens the lunchbox, finds a tuna sandwich and jumps off to her death. The readhead opens hers, finds a tuna sandwich and throws herself off. The blonde opens hers, finds a tuna sandwich as well, and off she goes. The next day, the three husbands are at the funeral of the three girls, shocked and desperate. The brunette's husband says: "She could have told me she was sick of tuna sandwiches… How could I have expected…". The readhead's husband too goes: "I though she loved tuna…why, why couldn't she just asked for an other lunch?". The blonde's husband is shocked. In disbelief he mumbles:" I just don't understand… She prepared her own meals!"
They’re, there, their.
So I told her she's pretty enough.
Because he doesn't want to be spotted
My wife flashed before my eyes.